Ascending

Colluding to time and age
Acting Complicit, dimming the rage,
The fist of anger and damnation
Slamming down, smashing shame
With frustration,
No sleep interrupts constant processing
Of survival,
Plan A plays out to normality and failure
Premature death subscribes maps to the mind,
Once written that’s where pain lies,
Blood behind the eyes
Talking blind,

Mumble of a foreign language
Where demons understand the cry
Of a fallen Angel,
No more to question why,
Give in lawfully to the bonds
That seek havens of wrist and foot,
Just change my love, easier to submerge
With the thorns,
Accept crown of horns,
Release pain, succumb to relief,
Let eyes view stars that dance in the mist,
Sleep my dear, and life will seep
Like falling blood purifying the wrist.

Shadow

When people say my name
I’m caught off guard
In my head I’m not approachable
Not expecting anyone to engage.

Question why they’ve open discussion
What’s their motive
Is it because I’m the last resort
Or the more interesting people have left

I’m anxious but glad at the same time
Praying I dont say anything stupid,
On egg shells so they will return,
Desperate to make good impression
The circles, emotions and thoughts that rise to the surface during conversation is immeasurable.

To the normal person its every day
To me it hits the seismic scale Of anxiety
My mind takes me through the talk
Summarising if I spoke out of turn
Or brought Shame upon myself.
Will they return for act two, or is once is enough.

Maybe one day I will listen to what they say and not heighten my feelings to my own responses,
Before the questions have been asked.

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Change the Ending

The mind is adept at its own pretence
When a foreseeable ending claws at its sense
Rapid spate of change is hard to allow
Crystal clear thoughts, deviate from the brow
An uncontrolled destined moment in time
Perspectives of honesty bring up the divine
Amnesiac spaces previous and after
Brings the transition, not nearer nor faster

Change sparks defence to raise fully clad
Denial, like a sane man humouring the mad
A rapid such ending wretches the soul
Pulls what we possess to never let go
Our sleepless gut instinct, repulses the last
Repelling an echo of struggles near past
For even the efficient an ending feels strange
A limbo state not desiring to change

An unconscious, unknown steadily beckons
Lifetime of intake, although its just seconds
Confusion is ripe though doesn’t persist
Without endings your presence wouldn’t exist
On ponder a moment which presents a choice
An alternate view to retain a lost voice
Reflect to proceed, an perceptive mind wins
Determine an ending, is where a new first begins.

The Looking Glass

‘Any thought can be tolerated, even this one’,
Becomes an obsessional loop,
A contradictory statement on repeat
That works to ease tension
And stop the mind from back flowing.

Insurance and affirmation it’s not a lie
Breathes from within.
The warmth and contentment cant be faked,
So belief becomes the norm,
And fear a fractured shadow.

Our own mind a nemesis
A fact created from evolutionary frailties
Or a sick trick from ones creator?.
To question is to fall back to the trap.
Accept the fractured imperfections
Of the conscious mind,
The dark humour mixed with reality,
And live with glory of imagination,
The power to create expressivly
And freedom to do so.

Once we let go of ourselves
Control is restored,
Balance becomes silent,
And Living becomes unnoticed.

Black box

I have no advice for you my friend
Apart from – I have been to the darkness
And came back better.
I saw the lowest a soul can get
While still breathing
And survived to tell my story.
We are unique and so is our escape.
Place a hand in front of the other
And find your key,
The one aspect of you
That unlocks the trapdoor of emptiness,
Brings a warmth to the cold corner
To which you sit.

I have no advice for you my friend
Apart from don’t believe in the four sides
That holds you.
There is more to life than being stuck,
Living behind the eyes
With the illusion
Life resembles an black box.

You are a spark among many,
So show your unique colour
And I promise,
You will no longer question or doubt,
Your ability to rise.

Pray

Free hand to write
On the edge of polite
To the mind and soul
Moods high or low

Circling the pain
That keeps me sane
Will I today survive
Hurt says I’m alive

Praying to the God enveloped in my head
Why own thoughts are wishing me dead
Confined to the 4 corners of my room
Take me now, or take me soon

Heavy head with knees a bleeding
Nodding still, crouching and pleading
Babbling a language all of my own
Can’t find solitude, until I’m home

Various flashbacks of whom im calling
Above my eyes raising and falling
Swallowing my soul, my light to see
Who am I?, who will save me?

Answer now or forever stay silent
So I can walk peacefully
Into the twilight.