Bridge to Cross

Bridge to Cross

Give life away in the now to re-live the past,
To feel happiness, one that will last,
To go back would you choose the rain,
To dance at night awaiting the train,
Feel stripped naked and left so bare,
With choices re-made to prove you care
Pay with the present to go back in time,
Live a little and claim what is mine,
Voice all emotions, say how you feel,
Tell people their futures, tell them what’s real,
Catch up with gone friends who are sadly missed,
Track down past loves for a long lost kiss

Remind your past self how great you are,
Voice to your family that you’re never too far,
To leave the present to complete those dreams,
Is a dream itself, a life with no seams,
To re-do the pleasures the mind wouldn’t allow,
It’s still not too late to change all this now

The life beat still flows hard through the veins,
Maybe having the chance to make choices again,
Your mind has shown what the will desires,
A choice to what sets your heart on fire,
A promise to yourself that you need to keep,
Should you ever awake, from your self induced sleep.

 

Thinking about possible regrets I’ve had in my life. The girl that got away when I was younger, places I’ve never visited, people who I care about but didn’t really show.

Being asleep when alive, drifting instead of living. The final thoughts or flashbacks when I take my last breath, and if that time would be chosen or natural.

Questioning is what this poem is about. Not suppose to think of ‘What ifs’ anymore, but at one point it was all I used to ask myself.

Chris.

Back Thought

Back Thought

From now on I will not judge myself,
Some people will judge me,
But I’m just a little lost inside and out,
Finding my own way,
Sometimes I act outside the norm,
In public I’m doing my best just to be there,
The first impression really worries me,
These thoughts make me anxious,
I predict bad things happening,
Usually my magical thinking never comes true,
Though spoken offence confirms my false reality,
What others do I can’t control,
I shouldn’t act as I feel others think,
This is my problem,
I feel a failure before I leave the house,
Need to learn not to always react,
And no longer will I Judge myself,
These are just intrusive thoughts,
In time my thinking will be clear

(Now read from bottom upwards)

It’s not worth wondering how your mind became to be this way. Its a unique magical entity but with a flaw.
A flaw can be changed, a learnt way unlearned, a messy head to a wondrous imagination.

Chris

Allowed

Allowed

Sky is blue, sea is green, we know this,
It’s always beautiful, don’t ask me how,
To appreciate this and beat Anxiety,
The secret is, to just allow

Just bring on the thoughts and feelings,
The common trap is to try and resist,
Good and bad thoughts are the same,
If you fight them, they will persist

Don’t try and question or ban your mind,
Punishing yourself with pain won’t succeed,
A thought is just a thought, that’s it,
Let it come, stay, while you proceed

Nothing is a hundred percent true and certain,
Try not to engage or question your being,
Living with a little anxiety won’t kill you,
Lift up your head, life’s all about seeing

Don’t ever feel bad to be happy,
It feels more natural to laugh than to cry,
Guilt is just a wasted emotion,
Give way to yourself and watch it fly,

Just a thought, a thought can’t change the world,
The minds not magic, there’s no anxiety spell,
To beat unwanted thoughts less is always more,
Just allow, and you will burst out of your shell.

 

This piece of work come to be when I thought maybe I should lighten the mood a little, but still keeping it real.
I try to keep away from preaching to people or giving advice as it’s not my place, but I try and mix my current mood with showing people what worked for me.

Allowing yourself to live, for me was step one. Why shouldn’t I be happy? Where does the guilt come from, just my mind and thoughts.

Trusting myself is a big part of making the right decisions. If it feels right do it, proceed, share your ideas to the world. Create instead of criticise, to others and to yourself.

Live and die with memories not just dreams.

If you like this one check out my previous poems.

Chris Chant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sacred Beliefs

Sacred Beliefs

Trapped awake in an underworld grave
Nerve broken, fall through trapdoor of existence
Hell fire singes, burns the brave
Feel the ache, cremate the resistance

Cornered deep in the inferno pit
Dragged, convinced by a dastard martyr
Released by creator, pulled where Diablo sits
The life and soul used only for barter

Swap alliance, beast grips the key
Vault empty, famished journey to the abyss
The deal with Hellion never for free
Hard release from the devil’s kiss

Possessed, a blackened dark ordeal
Head heavy from a brimming inferno
Long term urchins pinch and steal
Pray to above from agonies below

Trust a fake adversary, eyes an amazer
Rogue fiend selects a brimstone keeper
Promotes purgatory, wings cut by razor
Loss of soul to a Lucifer sleeper

A Hades, escape through a torrid chasm
Nightmare imagery, fire burns the skin
Satan smiles the route with sarcasm
Worth a severe risk for a divine sin

Mystical renovation, an underworld thaw
A spiritual point where solution is made
Hope with flamed emotion devours all
Imagined Hell, a place not to be afraid.

 

This poem was written through my dark phase, questioning heaven and hell.
Questioning ‘There must be a hell because I’m in it, so if that’s the case there must be a heaven with God and Angels. But if that was the case where are they? why are they not helping me.

Then coming to the conclusion there isn’t a hell, but if there isn’t what the heck am I going through. This tormented life must be in some category somewhere, living hell?, living nightmare? If it’s in a category or has a label then it’s real and I can deal with that.

Being in limbo that’s the worst thing. How is there a way out of nothingness.
This was my Scared belief for a long time and it drove me crazy. Are beliefs real until there proved wrong? and even then a little bit of that belief still lingers inside?

Many questions no definite answers the story of my anxious life.

I hope you got something out of my poem, thank you

Chris

Shadow Self

Shadow Self

Looking forward to the weekend
Drinking and socializing with mates
Half excited, half wrenching
In case the conversation turns to dates,
Of more nights or future holidays
Things on the spot I agree to
Pit of my stomach is yearning
I will avoid each one, and I do!
Talk of glory days I’ve missed
In the crowd but still alone
Detached, looking down from above
Lies and guilt, I could never atone,

But they’re a good bunch of friends
Initially I’m always included
In my head yes, no, yes, no
The reality, I feel excluded,
Listening out for the question
Waiting to be asked
Just for it to be over
For them it’s just a task,
An unspoken air of formality
Asking and I say yes
The elephant in the room is reality
Knowing I will let them down by text,

Not real great times, always on edge
But that was as good as it got,
They still think I’m some kind of ledge
But I know I’m not,
What I’d felt back then, wasn’t really me
I kind of knew, but today I know
And if I could live those days again,
I’d just go along with the normal flow,
Past is gone now, no time for regrets
Looking back I feel kind of blessed,
Because they’re a good bunch of friends
And my issues? No-one could have guessed.

 

This poem was written when I was feeling very raw. It’s about being in a crowd but feeling all alone, but the feeling is not because of the people I’m with it’s because of the dread and the reminders that occurs of all the things I’ve avoided in the past.

It’s more to do with wanting to be yourself because you know that person would thrive with your mates and the holidays and nights out they have. I’m always invited but I had a backlog of excuses to use and the mates just go along with it to be kind.

Drink was a big help as in being to forget the anxiety feeling and being to function as a person, if only externally.

Even though I hid my anxieties well and looked like I was happy I was still only living as a shadow of myself…

Chris

Clean Slate

Clean Slate
Humanity lifted high and proud,
History gone, lived and learned,
Mind has shifted, peace now allowed,
Eyes opened, soul upside turned

Forgive makeshift will, mind was tainted,
Parallel universe looped by a chain,
The past picture drawn never painted,
Etching smeared, washed with tears of rain

Annoyance and anger, burdening hate,
Lived far cry of true person,
Second childhood thoughts came late,
Always sinking, a percentage certain

Whirlwind of emotion and feelings,
Raw, slick, next day flood of regret,
Quantity of crowds let down and reeling,
In stone the actions made but not set

Alcohol a fool’s gold amplifier,
Clean body, clean slate, sound thinking,
Long wait to have trust from a liar,
Fit actions and words with careful linking

With distance, social grace comes with ease,
It’s a chemical curse you can’t rescind,
Helps to be forgiven though, the mind frees,
As with life? the answers in the wind

 

I ran a half marathon today and for me about half way round I always notice a time when my thoughts go dark and deep and start to question if I’m going to make or feel ill. How many people am I going to let down? if I have to stop and walk it means I’m useless. All these intrusive thoughts go through my head. It’s the same with a lot of situations in my life, sooner or later there is going to be a intrusive negative thought.

I have learnt to accept this and when the thought comes along just to allow it, accept it and proceed with what ever situation I’m in. The only person judging me is myself. I finished the run quite comfortably which I knew I would because I trained for it, and felt quite pleased with myself.
Now after I get an intrusive thought and move on from it, I see it as a clean slate to move forward from, Hence the title of this poem. Nothing is a hundred percent certain in life and looking for perfection will drive you mad, just accept it and move forward….

Chris

 

 

Two Halves

Two halves
You may think these words are heavy
It’s hard not to be with mental illness
Most would of stopped reading by now
Some stayed just to be curious

Maybe you stayed because you can relate,
To how it felt and how it affected you
The Love, fear, happiness and hate
We’re constantly have, and are going through

Those first two verses were written when really low,
God, reading it brings me down
But only to a level of understanding
All part of turning your life around

Well, you got this far, and not by chance
Seen off the mysterious voices
Freedom is a wonderful thing
Being able to make life choices

A lot of life has been wasted
Solving an impossible puzzle
Time to look past, look forward
Take off that emotional muzzle

I don’t want to end this like I’m preaching,
But there’s one thing I’ve identified,
If you do relate, then you’re a kind, loyal,
Beautiful, passionate, creative, ambitious and caring person…
… Don’t hide!
This poem is the first one I wrote about feeling good about yourself. We few of a mixed up mind are very creative and it’s about accepting that and channelling it in positives ways. I hope you enjoyed it.

Chris