This poem was written on a beach where I was in a place of confusion. Just like being at the beach, it has beautiful scenery but my mind was in a state of mixed emotions and suffering with OCD.
Being in love for the first time but doubting if the feeling is real. Because the only true emotion I was feeling was anxiety and pain, I always doubted a lighter, happier feeling because it felt like a trick or another obsession as the way with my life. I didn’t trust or believe myself.
When I came round and realised maybe I should act on my emotions and when you begin a relationship it’s hard to keep it going, always looking over the shoulder waiting for the next doubt or attack or if they have figured out that I’m living on the edge of panic.
In the end the pattern that followed me was that I ended most relationships early before they ended with me, as I assumed they would.
So this poem is about having an anxious, mixed up mind and then the feeling of love thrown in and dealing with that.
Here it is Love in Crazy…
Love in Crazy
The heart rendered like a king
Tall, stout and impressive
Evaporating all like a sponge
Past, present, resoundingly obsessive
With each new wave the strings get taunt
Feeling loose, but always holds
A break can be repaired
Or just a myth, that’s been re-told
Eye connections are real
The soul gets mystified
One Love, one other heart to feel
No more can be justified
A timeless lone night lays deep
Coupling and souling a must
Or forever be left in eternal limbo
Heart and mind turning to dust
Running parallel, so very close
A touch sickly, like a vertigo ride
Hearing and speech become an echo
In and out, rhythm of the tide
Is this truth, or is it false?
Love and anguish, my mind they share
Working through, but by default
In both worlds, I have to bare.