Scared to Survive

We’re all a bit scared of living. There are always choices to make: scary choices.
With anxiety it’s the decisions of normal day-day stuff that can be scary.
Which shop to go to, will there be many people about?, shall I go out this week to see friends?, shall I go to this family party? All decisions that can seem scary to a born worrier.

Anxiety makes you look ahead, check if there’s any forthcoming decisions that need making, any worries to clear up in advance, even though that never happens. A normal week is a struggle, it takes a lot of mental work to function. Wearing the mask for other people to see, and then to be at home, and be honest with yourself knowing that’s another day wasted. Another day without joy, happiness or achievement.

You’ve had glimpses’ of it in the past, you know what it feels like. But that just feels like a gift you receive now or then. Or you feel you don’t really deserve to be happy, for what reason? there isn’t one. It’s a feeling and a thought, and none of them are facts.

It’s so hard to come out of the shadows and live. It’s been so long you forget how, or you never really knew how to embrace it to start with.

It’s never to late to escape the prison that you’ve created. To leave the comfort zone of a false kingdom. A King in a land of despair, anxiety disguised as a crown. The shadows are your enemies, the worries that surround, that stem from the dark.

Step foot in to the sun, feel the heat, it’s never to late to start living-use that imagination, create a better kingdom, a better world, out of the dark comes light…

 

Scared to Survive

In the back I hide
only edging out to the sun,
when my conscious allows me

Sometimes I play amongst the shadows
with whom I’m lost,
prisoner in freedom,
King in his Kingdom

Days come and leave
Years pass with no greater wisdom
or luxury of courage

Raindrops wet my appetite,
for a greener life of growth,
glistening of beauty

I choose,
to shelter down from the wind,
of the storm, dormant
in my mind

Panic shines a light,
pumps the blood,
still I don’t move,
from my spot of fragility

The cold of frost
affects my tears,
relays my fears,
tap, tapping
onto my body shell – echoing,
a rhythm to my desires

I feel the warmth,
crawling at the senses,
still I sit,
scared,
forever,
looking out,
to the wonder

2 Comments

    1. Well done that’s brilliant. I’ve been in the same situation. It’s about proving to yourself that you’re strong enough and deserve it, and so far you’ve survived all your bad days. Like you said it’s hard but possible. Little strides can lead to big things 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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