On a bad day, as an anxious person I look around sussing out my surroundings. On occasion a person looks back and senses my social and general pain. In that moment I inside beg they don’t ask me ‘if I’m ok’ as I know I will break down if spoken too. I pray they let me be, just nod or squeeze my hand.
It’s confusing and complex how one moment I want someone to listen and understand my pain, and the next I want to be invisible and ignored. At these times my thoughts are against me.
If you notice how I feel
Please don’t go ahead and ask
As my tears will start to surface
And wash away my mask
You stare in to my eyes
To notice I’m not blinking
Please keep my aching secret
That inside my heart is sinking
I will just get through this moment
Squeeze my hand, but keep my lie
My strength will suppress my tears
Only alone will I break and cry