Never had a lot of range,
From behaving odd to very strange,
Pained expression for all to see,
Just hearing the call of the Banshee,
Endless whispering of far away prattle,
Leading up to a head blown death rattle.
Being alone hasn’t eluded,
Map of destruction points to secluded,
Best friends a dark reflection,
Shadow cut out to add to collection,
A demeaning job, a binned life,
Baggaged husband, shouldered wife.
Friends of history a quiet distant,
Personal contact set on resistant,
Winding slope, an inclining bend,
Kill me as I can’t seem to end,
Persevered efforts, too many to mention,
Seeking truths now I have your attention.
The mind is adept at its own pretence
When a foreseeable ending claws at its sense
Rapid spate of change is hard to allow
Crystal clear thoughts, deviate from the brow
An uncontrolled destined moment in time
Perspectives of honesty bring up the divine
Amnesiac spaces previous and after
Brings the transition, not nearer nor faster
Change sparks defence to raise fully clad
Denial, like a sane man humouring the mad
A rapid such ending wretches the soul
Pulls what we possess to never let go
Our sleepless gut instinct, repulses the last
Repelling an echo of struggles near past
For even the efficient an ending feels strange
A limbo state not desiring to change
An unconscious, unknown steadily beckons
Lifetime of intake, although its just seconds
Confusion is ripe though doesn’t persist
Without endings your presence wouldn’t exist
On ponder a moment which presents a choice
An alternate view to retain a lost voice
Reflect to proceed, an perceptive mind wins
Determine an ending, is where a new first begins.
Dark shadows stretch out where I lay,
A calm warmth surrounds where I slept,
Making adjustments between night and day
A thousand times, I’ve laid here and wept
Eyes half wide, checking my life’s place,
Feelings of content without any cares,
My dreams are a sanes person’s reality,
My reality is people’s kind of nightmares
Look forward to the night, a place to escape
Where happy memories bubble and ferment,
During the seemingly split second break,
An awaken alarm feels like torment
Nerves in stomach from hitting the pillow,
Looking forward to sleep, but not waking,
An invisible nights story lights up my life,
Awoken from peace, anxiety in the making
Another paradox of this infinite cycle,
A taste of something pure that never stays,
Wish this reality would switch around,
Where peaceful nights, turn into peaceful days
A Shadow of a person I could’ve been.
Hiding from the world out of guilt and shame But I’m always seen.
My personal space is my enemy and my friend. Living life on pretend. How will it end?
Fighting the good fight takes all the emotions and more,
Until there’s nothing left.
When will I feel free?
To run past the dark and flee…
Pain in mind is worse than pain in body,
Panic resembles an ache
Worry as debilitating as a break.
I will strike this demon down no choices
Using a shaft of light to drown out the voices.
Born again half real, half pure
Rise to live and breathe the present
A lifetime below, hope creeping up for a peek
Blurred and slurred, crying out to speak
A shadow’s grasp pulls firm and crisp
Talks riddles with an edge and a lisp
Trusting a shadow that won’t let you shine
Glimpse ’round the shoulder, the shadow’s mine.
The truth so close is hard to see
Mirror image is the biggest enemy
Push up above, spy a closer reflection
Where the light is too bright for a safe selection
Where ceilings are high, the risk is low
Separate choice from the two-faced shadow.
Been stuck so deep, where has life has slept
Where memories shrink, and freedom wept
Reverse is so high, only action is down
Fall, exhausted, flat, still on the ground
The balance though, is all so very fine
The life goal, to keep your head above the line.
OCD is all about intrusive thoughts and uncertainty. Compulsions ease the anxiety, short term.
My compulsions are all about numbers, doing things a certain amount of times. Of course numbers are infinite and have no magic powers, so it’s just a never-ending cycle of illusion and comfort.
6 was the magic number
Or was it 3 and 12?
Always stuck to evens 4,8,16
But odds I sometimes delved
13, 23 filled me with dread
10’s good but 5 is great
Why not Friday 14th instead?
3’s nicely rounded, so is 8
666 is evil, but it’s an even number
Confused what I’m doing this 4
Bakers dozen shouldn’t be allowed
999 no help at all
A multiple gift that comes for 3?
20, 25, multiply and subtract
6 and 9 are upside down,
Leap year not sure how to react
60 mins, 60 seconds, why not 100?
19:24 is a digital clock pain
5 gold rings and checking things
13’s unlucky and 7’s fulls of vain
4, 8, 12, straight flush
The perfect number, where’s it 2?
School maths, a 45 degree nightmare
3 × 3 trigonometry, had to see it through
Why 3 pigs and 3 bears?
7 years bad luck or magnificent?
1 never seems ever enough
And what’s after 100 percent?
Adapt, arrange, ÷ on repeat
3, 6, no improvement with evolution
With OCD no matter the equation,
The answer is never the end solution.
Night the calmest part of day
Glowing silence creates more sound
Sight plays games, takes you away,
To places old and places bound
Jaw cracks from looping yawn
Eyes take the weight, head rebooted
Empty dream script gets drawn
Rest stolen, sleep slowly looted
Waking nights, waking days
Blends, merges as one
Start to fear and be afraid
See no change in moon and sun
Limbs tired, minds seized
Mask feels true and alive
Dream of sleep, reality squeezed
Lazy mind cries to survive
Passed the point of this realm
Bright light a false life line
Whose the driver at the helm
Decides the fate, this life of mine
Vessels and blood pump hard
Some fight left with a devils bind
Again we survive this mental charge,
Must of been an Angel that changed our mind
Human in nature
Attractive in stature
Built on intrigue
And mental fatigue
Looking for connections
Or past resurrections
People choose illusive
A meet between two
With one briefly knew
A mutual respect
For the opposite sex
Want to know the being
And what your feeling
Deep from inside
No need to hide
A deep intense session
With no wrong impression
No guilt to justify
As honesty intensifies
A delicious montage
Tales of self sabotage
All truths no lies
Spill our minds eye
Not spiritual just there
A split second stare
A coming of perspective
Genuinely being accepted
Do the stars trouble the moon
Or the clouds the sky?
Sincerely not, they live in perfect tranquillity.
So why does the mind trouble the soul
Bring blackness to light
And doubt in to harmony and reality.
We think therefore we explore
Pushing boundaries where entanglement cannot be undone,
Where sanity is breached
To a place where torment only lies.
At this time we wander the future and past
Falling backwards or forwards
Never balancing on the present
Believing the mystical over the substantial.
The fight is not Demon or Angel,
Thoughts are the rulers of pained outcome
The totem of the body
The all seeing eye,
Parading imagination as a false God
Seeking mortality with a corporeal shell.
Don’t believe what is null and vacant
The mind torments the soul
But invisibility evaporates.
The true saviour is the heart that beats
It repels all blackness
Pulls in love and locks in place a safe retreat
To visit in times of cold desolation.
Follow the veins of warmth and grasp with open arms,
Shut out the empty voices
And through the rapture never let go.