Never had a lot of range,
From behaving odd to very strange,
Pained expression for all to see,
Just hearing the call of the Banshee,
Endless whispering of far away prattle,
Leading up to a head blown death rattle.
Being alone hasn’t eluded,
Map of destruction points to secluded,
Best friends a dark reflection,
Shadow cut out to add to collection,
A demeaning job, a binned life,
Baggaged husband, shouldered wife.
Friends of history a quiet distant,
Personal contact set on resistant,
Winding slope, an inclining bend,
Kill me as I can’t seem to end,
Persevered efforts, too many to mention,
Seeking truths now I have your attention.
The mind is adept at its own pretence
When a foreseeable ending claws at its sense
Rapid spate of change is hard to allow
Crystal clear thoughts, deviate from the brow
An uncontrolled destined moment in time
Perspectives of honesty bring up the divine
Amnesiac spaces previous and after
Brings the transition, not nearer nor faster
Change sparks defence to raise fully clad
Denial, like a sane man humouring the mad
A rapid such ending wretches the soul
Pulls what we possess to never let go
Our sleepless gut instinct, repulses the last
Repelling an echo of struggles near past
For even the efficient an ending feels strange
A limbo state not desiring to change
An unconscious, unknown steadily beckons
Lifetime of intake, although its just seconds
Confusion is ripe though doesn’t persist
Without endings your presence wouldn’t exist
On ponder a moment which presents a choice
An alternate view to retain a lost voice
Reflect to proceed, an perceptive mind wins
Determine an ending, is where a new first begins.
Dark shadows stretch out where I lay,
A calm warmth surrounds where I slept,
Making adjustments between night and day
A thousand times, I’ve laid here and wept
Eyes half wide, checking my life’s place,
Feelings of content without any cares,
My dreams are a sanes person’s reality,
My reality is people’s kind of nightmares
Look forward to the night, a place to escape
Where happy memories bubble and ferment,
During the seemingly split second break,
An awaken alarm feels like torment
Nerves in stomach from hitting the pillow,
Looking forward to sleep, but not waking,
An invisible nights story lights up my life,
Awoken from peace, anxiety in the making
Another paradox of this infinite cycle,
A taste of something pure that never stays,
Wish this reality would switch around,
Where peaceful nights, turn into peaceful days
A Shadow of a person I could’ve been.
Hiding from the world out of guilt and shame But I’m always seen.
My personal space is my enemy and my friend. Living life on pretend. How will it end?
Fighting the good fight takes all the emotions and more,
Until there’s nothing left.
When will I feel free?
To run past the dark and flee…
Pain in mind is worse than pain in body,
Panic resembles an ache
Worry as debilitating as a break.
I will strike this demon down no choices
Using a shaft of light to drown out the voices.
Born again half real, half pure
Rise to live and breathe the present
A lifetime below, hope creeping up for a peek
Blurred and slurred, crying out to speak
A shadow’s grasp pulls firm and crisp
Talks riddles with an edge and a lisp
Trusting a shadow that won’t let you shine
Glimpse ’round the shoulder, the shadow’s mine.
The truth so close is hard to see
Mirror image is the biggest enemy
Push up above, spy a closer reflection
Where the light is too bright for a safe selection
Where ceilings are high, the risk is low
Separate choice from the two-faced shadow.
Been stuck so deep, where has life has slept
Where memories shrink, and freedom wept
Reverse is so high, only action is down
Fall, exhausted, flat, still on the ground
The balance though, is all so very fine
The life goal, to keep your head above the line.
OCD is all about intrusive thoughts and uncertainty. Compulsions ease the anxiety, short term.
My compulsions are all about numbers, doing things a certain amount of times. Of course numbers are infinite and have no magic powers, so it’s just a never-ending cycle of illusion and comfort.
6 was the magic number
Or was it 3 and 12?
Always stuck to evens 4,8,16
But odds I sometimes delved
13, 23 filled me with dread
10’s good but 5 is great
Why not Friday 14th instead?
3’s nicely rounded, so is 8
666 is evil, but it’s an even number
Confused what I’m doing this 4
Bakers dozen shouldn’t be allowed
999 no help at all
A multiple gift that comes for 3?
20, 25, multiply and subtract
6 and 9 are upside down,
Leap year not sure how to react
60 mins, 60 seconds, why not 100?
19:24 is a digital clock pain
5 gold rings and checking things
13’s unlucky and 7’s fulls of vain
4, 8, 12, straight flush
The perfect number, where’s it 2?
School maths, a 45 degree nightmare
3 × 3 trigonometry, had to see it through
Why 3 pigs and 3 bears?
7 years bad luck or magnificent?
1 never seems ever enough
And what’s after 100 percent?
Adapt, arrange, ÷ on repeat
3, 6, no improvement with evolution
With OCD no matter the equation,
The answer is never the end solution.