OCD is all about intrusive thoughts and uncertainty. Compulsions ease the anxiety, short term.
My compulsions are all about numbers, doing things a certain amount of times. Of course numbers are infinite and have no magic powers, so it’s just a never-ending cycle of illusion and comfort.
6 was the magic number
Or was it 3 and 12?
Always stuck to evens 4,8,16
But odds I sometimes delved
13, 23 filled me with dread
10’s good but 5 is great
Why not Friday 14th instead?
3’s nicely rounded, so is 8
666 is evil, but it’s an even number
Confused what I’m doing this 4
Bakers dozen shouldn’t be allowed
999 no help at all
A multiple gift that comes for 3?
20, 25, multiply and subtract
6 and 9 are upside down,
Leap year not sure how to react
60 mins, 60 seconds, why not 100?
19:24 is a digital clock pain
5 gold rings and checking things
13’s unlucky and 7’s fulls of vain
4, 8, 12, straight flush
The perfect number, where’s it 2?
School maths, a 45 degree nightmare
3 × 3 trigonometry, had to see it through
Why 3 pigs and 3 bears?
7 years bad luck or magnificent?
1 never seems ever enough
And what’s after 100 percent?
Adapt, arrange, ÷ on repeat
3, 6, no improvement with evolution
With OCD no matter the equation,
The answer is never the end solution.
Night the calmest part of day
Glowing silence creates more sound
Sight plays games, takes you away,
To places old and places bound
Jaw cracks from looping yawn
Eyes take the weight, head rebooted
Empty dream script gets drawn
Rest stolen, sleep slowly looted
Waking nights, waking days
Blends, merges as one
Start to fear and be afraid
See no change in moon and sun
Limbs tired, minds seized
Mask feels true and alive
Dream of sleep, reality squeezed
Lazy mind cries to survive
Passed the point of this realm
Bright light a false life line
Whose the driver at the helm
Decides the fate, this life of mine
Vessels and blood pump hard
Some fight left with a devils bind
Again we survive this mental charge,
Must of been an Angel that changed our mind
Human in nature
Attractive in stature
Built on intrigue
And mental fatigue
Looking for connections
Or past resurrections
People choose illusive
A meet between two
With one briefly knew
A mutual respect
For the opposite sex
Want to know the being
And what your feeling
Deep from inside
No need to hide
A deep intense session
With no wrong impression
No guilt to justify
As honesty intensifies
A delicious montage
Tales of self sabotage
All truths no lies
Spill our minds eye
Not spiritual just there
A split second stare
A coming of perspective
Genuinely being accepted
Do the stars trouble the moon
Or the clouds the sky?
Sincerely not, they live in perfect tranquillity.
So why does the mind trouble the soul
Bring blackness to light
And doubt in to harmony and reality.
We think therefore we explore
Pushing boundaries where entanglement cannot be undone,
Where sanity is breached
To a place where torment only lies.
At this time we wander the future and past
Falling backwards or forwards
Never balancing on the present
Believing the mystical over the substantial.
The fight is not Demon or Angel,
Thoughts are the rulers of pained outcome
The totem of the body
The all seeing eye,
Parading imagination as a false God
Seeking mortality with a corporeal shell.
Don’t believe what is null and vacant
The mind torments the soul
But invisibility evaporates.
The true saviour is the heart that beats
It repels all blackness
Pulls in love and locks in place a safe retreat
To visit in times of cold desolation.
Follow the veins of warmth and grasp with open arms,
Shut out the empty voices
And through the rapture never let go.
Stuck in a lifetime that won’t accept my vision
With mental illness it feels like I’m closer to reality
Others only see what’s in front of their face
Im frustrated their perspective is boundaried,
Blinkered, tunnel vision, seeing only in black and white
They are happy with that
Anxious minds can’t sit still, need to be stretched and challenged,
Imagination set free, be wild instead of socially tamed
Look at the world instead of four walls
Boredom is culpable
World passing by with each new day
Stay with the same or search for like minded individuals
Surrounded by the scared, my thoughts are all alone
Suffocated by negative when aspire to greatness
We are rare, few, forbidden from thinking our truth
Accused of madness, not normal
No wonder Anger issues with the mental frustration
People in front of the que are blind to my perception,
Living with no existence, leaving no trace
Open eyes that no longer see
Repressed folk suck the life out of the inspired
The media has suppressed the creative
Labelled for being a stranger in my own time
Frowned upon, scolded
Masses creating the word ‘stigma’ to separate themselves
Don’t listen to the ignorant
Nothing grows in the comfort zone
Be selfish, use your emotions given,
The next generation will love you for it,
Don’t ever get shown the door,
The anxious feeling is not a feeling of being lost,
It’s the longing of wanting more…