Posts by Chris Chant

Poems, stories and lyrical workings. Words and thoughts of an OCD mind. Original, genuine, from the heart. Keeping it real.

Indecisive

Every decision feels like a life threatening choice. The mind choosing an option, changing it’s mind, then changing it back again.

Every day decisions, like where to go out, or what to eat. The doubts of an anxious mind put different scenarios in your head, making it a tormenting life.

Always questioning whether you’ve made the right choice. It’s a hard way to live. A lonely place of guilt and living on nerves.

That’s how anxiety and depression fights happiness. Putting doubt and fear in safe situations.

It’s the most disabling crush on ones sanity…

Hollow Legacy

Crave to be remembered, etched in history
In my words, I’ll always leave some mystery
Speaking though my head feels dismembered
Lost or found is how I’ll be remembered

The blind sees many depressed rhymes
Enlightened, will read between the lines
View behind the eyes to see deep
Hidden meaning’s that made me weep

Words just scratch against the surface
Casual thoughts produced as a circus
Poetry Masks a majority of emotional acts
In the truer words, I’m never holding back

Take own life while personality in song?
Leave this realm incase the mind functions wrong
Intrusive forces weighing the mind to sink
Desperately searching for some missing link

Invisible in body and the voice is weak
Waiting patiently for the peace I seek
Invade my story see what you find
Interpret the words I’ll one day leave behind.

Remotely Controlled

Remotely Controlled

I suppose it’s because I felt on a roll,
Where I start to question whose in control
Always going to happen, writing this out,
That sooner or later, I’d be struck by doubt

Is it My imagination writing all this,
Or Anxiety, my old friend and nemesis
Hello my old foe looking over my shoulder,
You haven’t changed a bit, but i look a lot older

I should of known that working hard graft,
It would creep up on me, like a freezing cold draught
Don’t need you right now, though thanks for the attack,
Just leave, because if I let you, you’d be right back

I have to be watchful, it can be quite clever
Do I need its help? the true answer, never
Usually I’m not in the mood to mess with
But I’ve had enough of its passive aggressive

Still it’s been awhile, and it hasn’t kept on
I look freely around, and by truth it’s gone
I smile, because I’ve got rid of the troll
For now I guess, that means im in control.

Life

Yes I believe life is worth living. I believe we should focus on the positive and not the negative.

We should embrace life as the gift it is. A miracle it was to be chosen, to be given a chance to make an impression on others and leave a silent legacy through society.

Lucky to be alive through complicated circumstances which ended with your making of personality and awareness. I believe im lucky and I want to live that way.

It’s just some of us are born with a discrepancy of the mind. A shadow that sweeps over the light of life. Takes away joy and leaves ‘what if’.

It feels like living on egg shells. That any moment I could break and fall. At the end of each day I am thankful for surviving. It’s just how I’m built.

Yes I can be depressing but that’s because I’m sometimes depressed. Even though I feel like this I still want to help others in any way I can. This is what calms my doubts and fuels my soul.

Self Eulogy

The afflicted tune has ended, fire burns to zero,
To the silent master there is no treason,
Thank you for weeping, the elated song plays on,
Knowing I’m alongside you, no question or reason

Heart demands no excuse for warmth,
Memories inside exist with little trace,
Imagination, love, you take it with you,
You have pictures, I’ll never forget a face

In life I’ve struggled with my place
Where I land is real and beyond my control,
My concept was never this side of beautiful,
Choice of rest place, time to sleep not grow

Misunderstood, all judgements long forgiven,
The mind was mine, the body a short lease,
Blessed to have lived in this short loving time,
Knowing there is such a place of finding peace

A desert island, a single paradise of oasis,
Silence moves slower, ending is stretched,
My feelings are enclosed, forever in stasis,
Pictures in my mind of a life permanently etched.

Anxiety

Shadow Self

Looking forward to the weekend
Drinking and socializing with mates
Half excited, half wrenching
In case the conversation turns to dates,
Of more nights or future holidays
Things on the spot I agree to
Pit of my stomach is yearning
I will avoid each one, and I do!
Talk of glory days I’ve missed
In the crowd but still alone
Detached, looking down from above
Lies and guilt, I could never atone,

But they’re a good bunch of friends
Initially I’m always included
In my head yes, no, yes, no
The reality, I feel excluded,
Listening out for the question
Waiting to be asked
Just for it to be over
For them it’s just a task,
An unspoken air of formality
Asking and I say yes
The elephant in the room is reality
Knowing I will let them down by text,

Not real great times, always on edge
But that was as good as it got,
They still think I’m some kind of ledge
But I know I’m not,
What I’d felt back then, wasn’t really me
I kinda knew, but today I know
And if I could live those days again,
I’d just go along with the normal flow,
Past is gone now, no time for regrets
Looking back I feel kind of blessed,
Because they’re a good bunch of friends
And my issues? No-one could have guessed.