Lay Me Down

A silent hymn swarms the senses
Sensations charged, bloods too swift
Memory poisoned, weary of pretences
With each sharp point a full body lift.

Awake fever cold, lips texture of slate
Rejects visual help, deny the sound
Bruises new, a pure circular shape
Flakiness of skin, ankles once bound

Real or a film of fiction
Inspect body, stifle a scream
Escape attempts creates harm friction
Lesions made, stain skin at the seam.

Dream of scenarios, body cuffed tight
Butterfly effect, wings have swung
A nightmare which overlaps the night
Sour taste to mouth, intrusion in lung

Cloaked a stranger, calls a name
Intimate outlines with empty stares
Swear words alluded through shame
Convulsing body pulls skin to tear.

Melt through sheets as sweat gives way
Escape plan hatched, float through floors
Arms stretched out to slink away
Reality bites down, home to four walls

Travel shift to outside ward
Undeniably a dream to recognise
A body concealed from open doors
Head slips to reveal the disguise.

Alive in bed or dead where I stand
A premonition gift, given to hear
Trust not to cry off a helping hand
An awakening lust, the minds clear

Fear defends the external choice
Bittersweet to white flag this race
For now someone else speaks my voice
Though the ceiling still reflects my face.

Chest tight by weight of heaving
Already howled the meltdown song
Truth hits quiet, no prizes for leaving
To dampen my mind, this is where I belong.

Shadow

When people say my name
I’m caught off guard
In my head I’m not approachable
Not expecting anyone to engage.

Question why they’ve open discussion
What’s their motive
Is it because I’m the last resort
Or the more interesting people have left

I’m anxious but glad at the same time
Praying I dont say anything stupid,
On egg shells so they will return,
Desperate to make good impression
The circles, emotions and thoughts that rise to the surface during conversation is immeasurable.

To the normal person its every day
To me it hits the seismic scale Of anxiety
My mind takes me through the talk
Summarising if I spoke out of turn
Or brought Shame upon myself.
Will they return for act two, or is once is enough.

Maybe one day I will listen to what they say and not heighten my feelings to my own responses,
Before the questions have been asked.

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Treading Water

Choose to climb
and escape the stone walls
that close in
like a dampening breath to the neck,
The goosebumps are real
coldness can’t be faked
neither can the dread which creeps from below,
Move or perish
from the hesitant pause
that captures indecisive minds
freezing the will to submission.
So climb,
Or leave it to fate,
Let go and fall in to emptiness
become weightless in body and mind,
Float down star shaped
with eyes unable to close
as you look upward bidding farewell
to life,
part of the punishment of surrendering to hell,
Light dissolves in seconds
free falling in to darkness
to an eternal expanse.
Deviant whispers from nowhere
keep you from sleep
and peace,
A choice to make,
Fall and drown forever as a prisoner
or climb and fight.

Time Passing

One minute I was falling
The next I was free
In an expanse of wonder
A place of my dreams

Parade through the valley
Breathe amongst the flowers
Living here is magical
A second lasts for hours

I love exploring the fields
Where the horses run
I’ve only just arrived
It’s feels I belong

I dance among the trees
Shake the fruit from above
I sing with the birds
The song is full of love

I lye down in the grass
I look up to the sky
An echo rings my ears
Of you saying goodbye

A life gone full circle
An innocence released
I’ll miss and be missed
Though my heart is at peace.