Where we Belong

No-one speaks of the son
The true pick pocket of the mind
The embezzler of certainty
Who mocks the deaf and blind

Though master keeps the throne
The aire runs the house
Faceless threat of the scare dimension
Who strung his kids and spouse

Escape never earned
No retreat, only forward
Scarring for the returned
Whipping for a coward

As mortal life is sucked
You die imagining of fairy tales
Reality smells of torture
Of crucifixion from rusty nails

Death bed made in plain sight
Implants dreams of no tomorrow
Sleep tight on pools of blood
A grave so deep and shallow.

Wings

Wings

No I don’t want to go
Can’t you see it in my eyes?
Too late, the fear has grabbed me backwards,
Rocking my senses,
Encroaching in my mind.
I feel the endless pit in my stomach,
Taste the blood in my mouth,
Physically true and real happenings,
Results of the symptoms of fear.
The only illusion is the dark before me,
And the voices whispering false truths,
Confirming I should be afraid.
To freeze would mean an endless limbo
Of excruciating pain,
Fighting no option, as I would just be punching shadows.
Flight seems to warmly pierce my thoughts.
But where?
I stand alone in body and mind, facing travesty all around,
Frozen in an hellish silence with all hope lost.
Then without warning my shoulders are seized.
Not by claws or talons, more like enlarged fingers attached to strong muscle,
Like an exaggerated humans foot,
Only softer and warm to touch.
A Firm grip lifts me from the cold slab from which I’m perched.
I don’t see the face of my saviour
Only the sound of a force flapping against gravity.
A white feather escapes its host and floats down before me,
Signalling peace and freedom.
I know now I’m being carried to safety,
By my guardian who saw it worthwhile to intervene.

As a passenger soaring upwards towards the light,
I look down to the abyss from which I came.
It still whispers and reaches at its prey,
Seething as it’s fodder takes flight,
Escaping their clutches of seduction.
Something I can only describe as demon makes one last attempt to pull me down to the underbelly of life,
Where confusion and guilt is rife.
It fails, my winged guardian drives up full force,
Sensing the threat of danger from below,
Knowing a desperate monster has no boundaries or honour, to a soul they’ve lost and failed to pollute.
I almost allow myself a smile as I fly away…
And then I awake.
Lied in bed lethargic and mentally exhausted,
Pondering whether this vision was a dream or reality.
I decide not to answer,
Questions of doubt lead to darkness, and I’ve only just escaped.
For now I will sleep, listening to my heartbeat,
And counting my breaths.
As my eyes shut in peace,
The vision of a feather is the last thing I see,
Gently floating in and out of consciousness.

Sacred Beliefs

Sacred Beliefs

Trapped awake in an underworld grave
Nerve broken, fall through trapdoor of existence
Hell fire singes, burns the brave
Feel the ache, cremate the resistance

Cornered deep in the inferno pit
Dragged, convinced by a dastard martyr
Released by creator, pulled where Diablo sits
The life and soul used only for barter

Swap alliance, beast grips the key
Vault empty, famished journey to the abyss
The deal with Hellion never for free
Hard release from the devil’s kiss

Possessed, a blackened dark ordeal
Head heavy from a brimming inferno
Long term urchins pinch and steal
Pray to above from agonies below

Trust a fake adversary, eyes an amazer
Rogue fiend selects a brimstone keeper
Promotes purgatory, wings cut by razor
Loss of soul to a Lucifer sleeper

A Hades, escape through a torrid chasm
Nightmare imagery, fire burns the skin
Satan smiles the route with sarcasm
Worth a severe risk for a divine sin

Mystical renovation, an underworld thaw
A spiritual point where solution is made
Hope with flamed emotion devours all
Imagined Hell, a place not to be afraid.

 

This poem was written through my dark phase, questioning heaven and hell.
Questioning ‘There must be a hell because I’m in it, so if that’s the case there must be a heaven with God and Angels. But if that was the case where are they? why are they not helping me.

Then coming to the conclusion there isn’t a hell, but if there isn’t what the heck am I going through. This tormented life must be in some category somewhere, living hell?, living nightmare? If it’s in a category or has a label then it’s real and I can deal with that.

Being in limbo that’s the worst thing. How is there a way out of nothingness.
This was my Scared belief for a long time and it drove me crazy. Are beliefs real until there proved wrong? and even then a little bit of that belief still lingers inside?

Many questions no definite answers the story of my anxious life.

I hope you got something out of my poem, thank you

Chris

Clean Slate

Clean Slate
Humanity lifted high and proud,
History gone, lived and learned,
Mind has shifted, peace now allowed,
Eyes opened, soul upside turned

Forgive makeshift will, mind was tainted,
Parallel universe looped by a chain,
The past picture drawn never painted,
Etching smeared, washed with tears of rain

Annoyance and anger, burdening hate,
Lived far cry of true person,
Second childhood thoughts came late,
Always sinking, a percentage certain

Whirlwind of emotion and feelings,
Raw, slick, next day flood of regret,
Quantity of crowds let down and reeling,
In stone the actions made but not set

Alcohol a fool’s gold amplifier,
Clean body, clean slate, sound thinking,
Long wait to have trust from a liar,
Fit actions and words with careful linking

With distance, social grace comes with ease,
It’s a chemical curse you can’t rescind,
Helps to be forgiven though, the mind frees,
As with life? the answers in the wind

 

I ran a half marathon today and for me about half way round I always notice a time when my thoughts go dark and deep and start to question if I’m going to make or feel ill. How many people am I going to let down? if I have to stop and walk it means I’m useless. All these intrusive thoughts go through my head. It’s the same with a lot of situations in my life, sooner or later there is going to be a intrusive negative thought.

I have learnt to accept this and when the thought comes along just to allow it, accept it and proceed with what ever situation I’m in. The only person judging me is myself. I finished the run quite comfortably which I knew I would because I trained for it, and felt quite pleased with myself.
Now after I get an intrusive thought and move on from it, I see it as a clean slate to move forward from, Hence the title of this poem. Nothing is a hundred percent certain in life and looking for perfection will drive you mad, just accept it and move forward….

Chris