The Flood

OCD is in the top ten most debilitating illnesses in the world. It dictates manipulates and seduces you to think you’re saving a life, doing good and being healthy.

Truth, it’s killing the sanity of the host. Feeding its vanity that it’s valued and needed with every compulsion. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Don’t underestimate how it affects someone. It consumes the soul, an actual living hell being acted out day by day.

It exaggerates life for the host to act out it’s pleasures.

It controls and scares you into believing it’s reality. When the anxiety of an obsession hits, it’s like a flood to the head…

The Flood.

Back and forth in doorways
Three o’clock deep in the night
In and out my body swayed
Not sleeping to I felt just right
Turning lights on and off
Turning taps so much tighter
Wearing six tops in summer
Staring at a torch, turning it brighter
Under all these layers this is me
I’m no different, I just have OCD

Not stepping on the carpet
Paining myself and cutting my hair
Putting clothes on again and again
The same ones for a week, I have to wear
Light switches too and thro’
Washing rehashed and flung about
Walking backwards on the football field
I’m saving the world ain’t no doubt
Under all these layers this is me
I’m no different I just have OCD

Not able to read or write normal
Repeating words and crossing off
Having compulsions in school exams
Having to blink, having to cough
The school tie was pulled up tight
Along with the top button on my shirt
Couldn’t breath and sweated badly
Doesn’t make sense, it really hurt

A Life dictated by numbers
With fear, dread and impending doom
Imagination susposed to be a gift
But for me more like a living tomb

No-one ever asked, people’s reality different to mine
Became an expert in hiding, so bittersweet divine
Stuck in an endless, ignorant cycle of fright
Cant love, leave,or live until the feeling feels just right.

The Flood

Back and forth in doorways
Three o’clock deep in the night
In and out my body swayed
Not sleeping to I felt just right
Turning lights on and off
Turning taps so much tighter
Wearing six tops in summer
Staring at a torch, turning it brighter
Under all these layers this is me
I’m no different, I just have OCD

Not stepping on the carpet
Paining myself and cutting my hair
Putting clothes on again and again
The same ones for a week, I have to wear
Light switches too and thro’
Washing rehashed and flung about
Walking backwards on the football field
I’m saving the world ain’t no doubt
Under all these layers this is me
I’m no different I just have OCD

Not able to read or write normal
Repeating words and crossing off
Having compulsions in school exams
Having to blink, having to cough
The school tie was pulled up tight
Along with the top button on my shirt
Couldn’t breath and sweated badly
Doesn’t make sense, it really hurt

A Life dictated by numbers
With fear, dread and impending doom
Imagination susposed to be a gift
But for me more like a living tomb

No-one ever asked, people’s reality different to mine
Became an expert in hiding, so bittersweet divine
Stuck in an endless, ignorant cycle of fright
Cant love, leave,or live until the feeling feels just right.

Numb Num3er5

OCD is all about intrusive thoughts and uncertainty. Compulsions ease the anxiety, short term.

My compulsions are all about numbers, doing things a certain amount of times. Of course numbers are infinite and have no magic powers, so it’s just a never-ending cycle of illusion and comfort.

Numb Numbers

6 was the magic number
Or was it 3 and 12?
Always stuck to evens 4,8,16
But odds I sometimes delved
13, 23 filled me with dread
10’s good but 5 is great
Why not Friday 14th instead?
3’s nicely rounded, so is 8

666 is evil, but it’s an even number
Confused what I’m doing this 4
Bakers dozen shouldn’t be allowed
999 no help at all
A multiple gift that comes for 3?
20, 25, multiply and subtract
6 and 9 are upside down,
Leap year not sure how to react

60 mins, 60 seconds, why not 100?
19:24 is a digital clock pain
5 gold rings and checking things
13’s unlucky and 7’s fulls of vain
4, 8, 12, straight flush
The perfect number, where’s it 2?
School maths, a 45 degree nightmare
3 × 3 trigonometry, had to see it through

Why 3 pigs and 3 bears?
7 years bad luck or magnificent?
1 never seems ever enough
And what’s after 100 percent?
Adapt, arrange, ÷ on repeat
3, 6, no improvement with evolution
With OCD no matter the equation,
The answer is never the end solution.

First Impressions

Nurturing is the needle that knots
Emotional scars
Torn carelessly open by insolence
And a near-dormant past,
Arroused by soundless screams
The inner voice reaches out
To the dispassionate shells
Fingering on the heart strings of the scorn,
Though the tune is soft
The notes are true
Inviting ignorance to fall
And a frigid heart to warm.

Thoughts of an OCD mind

A New Video – Thoughts of an OCD mind

A truthful and honest account of the history of my OCD and how it affected me growing up, Relationships, family, school, friends…
Describing the hang ups that come with it, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Depression, intrusive thoughts, and others.

Finishing with how to be creative with the thoughts and a poem about OCD.

 

 

 

Still the waves come

OCD Action-  https://www.facebook.com/160350817363455/photos/1364368966961628/
have used several of my poems on their community website and also as a promotional tool to inspire young people with OCD to be creative with it. A piece of my work will also be in their July newsletter.
I hope it does inspire people because it’s really helped me being able to put down how I feel in words and to be able to read it back and own it. With writing you can never be too honest.
Here is an early example of my work.

Hits like green waves on pure beaches,
Each reoccurance building to a fault
Attacks like a shawl of hungry leeches,
As one, swimming for the throat

Looking for a sky that cannot be,
Exposure is the only cure
Try to rid the big heavy,
Hell on earth can be no more

The thrashing in veins is obsessive
Behind the eyes is hectic
Quiet constant humming is impressive,
With pure thoughts turning septic

A calming after a wavy trance,
Taking control to find inner peace
Sandy ripples as in dance,
Still waters slow to a final release