Numb Num3er5

OCD is all about intrusive thoughts and uncertainty. Compulsions ease the anxiety, short term.

My compulsions are all about numbers, doing things a certain amount of times. Of course numbers are infinite and have no magic powers, so it’s just a never-ending cycle of illusion and comfort.

Numb Numbers

6 was the magic number
Or was it 3 and 12?
Always stuck to evens 4,8,16
But odds I sometimes delved
13, 23 filled me with dread
10’s good but 5 is great
Why not Friday 14th instead?
3’s nicely rounded, so is 8

666 is evil, but it’s an even number
Confused what I’m doing this 4
Bakers dozen shouldn’t be allowed
999 no help at all
A multiple gift that comes for 3?
20, 25, multiply and subtract
6 and 9 are upside down,
Leap year not sure how to react

60 mins, 60 seconds, why not 100?
19:24 is a digital clock pain
5 gold rings and checking things
13’s unlucky and 7’s fulls of vain
4, 8, 12, straight flush
The perfect number, where’s it 2?
School maths, a 45 degree nightmare
3 × 3 trigonometry, had to see it through

Why 3 pigs and 3 bears?
7 years bad luck or magnificent?
1 never seems ever enough
And what’s after 100 percent?
Adapt, arrange, ÷ on repeat
3, 6, no improvement with evolution
With OCD no matter the equation,
The answer is never the end solution.

First Impressions

Nurturing is the needle that knots
Emotional scars
Torn carelessly open by insolence
And a near-dormant past,
Arroused by soundless screams
The inner voice reaches out
To the dispassionate shells
Fingering on the heart strings of the scorn,
Though the tune is soft
The notes are true
Inviting ignorance to fall
And a frigid heart to warm.

Thoughts of an OCD mind

A New Video – Thoughts of an OCD mind

A truthful and honest account of the history of my OCD and how it affected me growing up, Relationships, family, school, friends…
Describing the hang ups that come with it, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Depression, intrusive thoughts, and others.

Finishing with how to be creative with the thoughts and a poem about OCD.

 

 

 

Still the waves come

OCD Action-  https://www.facebook.com/160350817363455/photos/1364368966961628/
have used several of my poems on their community website and also as a promotional tool to inspire young people with OCD to be creative with it. A piece of my work will also be in their July newsletter.
I hope it does inspire people because it’s really helped me being able to put down how I feel in words and to be able to read it back and own it. With writing you can never be too honest.
Here is an early example of my work.

Hits like green waves on pure beaches,
Each reoccurance building to a fault
Attacks like a shawl of hungry leeches,
As one, swimming for the throat

Looking for a sky that cannot be,
Exposure is the only cure
Try to rid the big heavy,
Hell on earth can be no more

The thrashing in veins is obsessive
Behind the eyes is hectic
Quiet constant humming is impressive,
With pure thoughts turning septic

A calming after a wavy trance,
Taking control to find inner peace
Sandy ripples as in dance,
Still waters slow to a final release

 

The OCD

 Awaiting inside when you’re born
Awakes from slumber at any age
Mutates into many sly forms
Adopts a method to slide from its cage

Feeds insecurities with whimpering tales
Controls from within, it must speak truth
Vocation to protect, although always fails
Lays seeds of doubt in minds of youth

Check, wash, clean, obsess on thoughts
Displays futures that couldn’t exist
A freedom collapse, never gets caught
Can’t reject compulsion, or fear persists

Not a creature notice or sees
How an OCD mind clouds and clears
Beg for a waking mass of peace
Only your design knows and hears

A false protector, a damned ally
For crowded years, the only truth known
Notified to check again and ask why?
Replies family be dispatched, be all alone

To save others, you produce the sacrifice,
Of running disconnected mean tasks
Has no consequence, only in your life
Can’t help but continue, all that it asks

Forsaken on a bottomless ledge
To avoid, it makes the host pay
Not living life, just on the edge
When the host denies, it adapts to stay

An expert of charm and seduction
Lures you to pursue its crazy design
Fated to forever complete its function,
For I am its and it is mine.

One Calm Day

Thoughts and feelings are not fact
Don’t really need the signal to act
Need to learn not to react
To keep mind and body, safely intact

Thinking what is, not what if
Bringing reality back to solid ground
The beliefs are all built on myth
Always on repeat spinning round and round

Just one calm day, without the whispers and tears
Spoiling what could be, the best time in years
It doesn’t help, it’s not your friend, and it’s definitely not kind
The panic, the worry and the fear it creates, Is, after all, just thoughts of an OCD mind.