Remotely Controlled

Remotely Controlled

I suppose it’s because I felt on a roll,
Where I start to question whose in control
Always going to happen, writing this out,
That sooner or later, I’d be struck by doubt

Is it My imagination writing all this,
Or Anxiety, my old friend and nemesis
Hello my old foe looking over my shoulder,
You haven’t changed a bit, but i look a lot older

I should of known that working hard graft,
It would creep up on me, like a freezing cold draught
Don’t need you right now, though thanks for the attack,
Just leave, because if I let you, you’d be right back

I have to be watchful, it can be quite clever
Do I need its help? the true answer, never
Usually I’m not in the mood to mess with
But I’ve had enough of its passive aggressive

Still it’s been awhile, and it hasn’t kept on
I look freely around, and by truth it’s gone
I smile, because I’ve got rid of the troll
For now I guess, that means im in control.

Self Eulogy

The afflicted tune has ended, fire burns to zero,
To the silent master there is no treason,
Thank you for weeping, the elated song plays on,
Knowing I’m alongside you, no question or reason

Heart demands no excuse for warmth,
Memories inside exist with little trace,
Imagination, love, you take it with you,
You have pictures, I’ll never forget a face

In life I’ve struggled with my place
Where I land is real and beyond my control,
My concept was never this side of beautiful,
Choice of rest place, time to sleep not grow

Misunderstood, all judgements long forgiven,
The mind was mine, the body a short lease,
Blessed to have lived in this short loving time,
Knowing there is such a place of finding peace

A desert island, a single paradise of oasis,
Silence moves slower, ending is stretched,
My feelings are enclosed, forever in stasis,
Pictures in my mind of a life permanently etched.

Anxiety

Shadow Self

Looking forward to the weekend
Drinking and socializing with mates
Half excited, half wrenching
In case the conversation turns to dates,
Of more nights or future holidays
Things on the spot I agree to
Pit of my stomach is yearning
I will avoid each one, and I do!
Talk of glory days I’ve missed
In the crowd but still alone
Detached, looking down from above
Lies and guilt, I could never atone,

But they’re a good bunch of friends
Initially I’m always included
In my head yes, no, yes, no
The reality, I feel excluded,
Listening out for the question
Waiting to be asked
Just for it to be over
For them it’s just a task,
An unspoken air of formality
Asking and I say yes
The elephant in the room is reality
Knowing I will let them down by text,

Not real great times, always on edge
But that was as good as it got,
They still think I’m some kind of ledge
But I know I’m not,
What I’d felt back then, wasn’t really me
I kinda knew, but today I know
And if I could live those days again,
I’d just go along with the normal flow,
Past is gone now, no time for regrets
Looking back I feel kind of blessed,
Because they’re a good bunch of friends
And my issues? No-one could have guessed.

Rain or Shine

Rainbows speak of reincarnated souls
Revisiting their loves ones
One last time,
Using colours to spark smiles
Memories, and a warmth to the soul.
No other wonder can eclipse the serinity
Given inside
Or the view that challenges belief,
A miracle spectrum and an insight of heaven
Produced in a wave of inspiration
As a gift for all to see.
When the mind is lost to the dark
And the colour fades from life
Stride out of the storm
And search for that Rainbow

Let Me In

Skin delicate as a flower
Healing superficially
Protruding double edge scars

Protecting a soft
Broken beauty with a will of wanting
Sat rabid inside a vulnerable shell

Some cut my tissue
Scrape away at my flesh
Seeking the weakness within

Ignorance unearths deep foundations
Critical echoes erects towering walls
Creating an impenetrable field of solitude

Only passable through invitation
Even then,
Trespassers alarm the mind to traitors

If chosen and elected to intrude
Tread carefully with your voice
Step lightly with decision

Once warmth is shared, please I beg
Don’t break trust, heart, or soul
For the shield of hope will cease

Convincing the body of spirit
To internally combust
Collapsing inward upon itself