I see images
Far away from personal space
Hiding in the shadows.
The corner of my eye
Natural reflexes spin wildly,
Transforms with haste
Back to benign.
Something insidious is watching
Rousing my senses
Alerting my suspicions.
Paranoia becomes a suspect
Though clean living proves
The mind is all powerful and complex
When left to wander freely
And without forced encouragement.
When will the process erupt
From viewing shapes
To hearing voices,
I’m scared I’ll answer
Scared of its suggestions
Of convincing me to believe
They exist in life not just my reality.
I see images elevate back from the dead
Convincing my mind
It’s not just, all in my head
Giant footsteps brings me close
To the running water of gold
An endless stream of choice
Where life can be brought and sold.
My face turned stagnant in the waves
Tell me, am I me still?
Drowning alive has withdrawn my face
My reflection sizing up the kill.
Sinking as a dropping stone
Forever laid alive and cold
Wash away the sins I’ve made
My saviour this running water of gold.
While sanity meanders
Character is subjected to slanders
Years afraid of lies once said
Sits quiet as physicality deflates to dead
Please my dear, Don’t be afraid
When it’s made,
The bed of the departed
Set and warm,
Lay down as eternity beckons
Crossing arms for forever seconds
Shoulder weight lifts
As responsibility shifts,
To the air
The burdened fatally shared
Promises spoken by the mouth of her
Deadly silent defines the breath is over
No more clashes as substance becomes ashes,
Tears and sadness as silence reaks
Chaos lives while the devil speaks,
With him she shares a fitted box
Relief and confusion as no more she knocks.
Sharing my head with an additional voice
A vigilant double skilfully taking over
Pushing me out to elevate it’s own purpose,
I surrender admitting my failure
Of surviving life and existence
I sense ‘It’ clouding each decision
Questioning my clarity,
I’m happy to pass over this burden
Of hell eclipsed in my mind,
Here take me my dark twin
And thrive in this shell!
When at peace you were benign
At war you became malignant,
Displaying me as diseased
Dropping blood in my tears
I finally fall out of power
Succumbing to the invasion of life,
You win, feel free to dance in my skin
Smile in to the mirror
Touch your recent corporal self
Now I’m the reflection
Buried deep still feeling the emotions
That you chose to suppress,
Unable to die or sleep
Dead though immortal
My slights of anxiety
Now surpassed by your confidence
And sociopathic ways of living,
A shadow of consciousness remains
Trapped in torment, looking up, looking out
A realisation I have undertaken a greatest sin
Shelving responsibility to a misconception,
Seduced by demons or demon
The dark side of my brain,
A mistake too final to comprehend
As long as my visual double still breathes
I shall suffer
Forever awake and forever aware
That my soul, I wasn’t meant to share
The afflicted tune has ended, fire burns to zero,
To the silent master there is no treason,
Thank you for weeping, the elated song plays on,
Knowing I’m alongside you, no question or reason
Heart demands no excuse for warmth,
Memories inside exist with little trace,
Imagination, love, you take it with you,
You have pictures, I’ll never forget a face
In life I’ve struggled with my place
Where I land is real and beyond my control,
My concept was never this side of beautiful,
Choice of rest place, time to sleep not grow
Misunderstood, all judgements long forgiven,
The mind was mine, the body a short lease,
Blessed to have lived in this short loving time,
Knowing there is such a place of finding peace
A desert island, a single paradise of oasis,
Silence moves slower, ending is stretched,
My feelings are enclosed, forever in stasis,
Pictures in my mind of a life permanently etched.
Stood high, naked and hollow from emotion
Tempting nature to take me by force
Releasing blame from my conscience.
As the cold gripped reality
Only then did I know what you meant to me.
Feeling as if I knew all along
Drifting out to sea.
My reflection blinking out of the past and in to the future.
I am a warrior with a weakness to the armour
A biological fault passed on father to son
Critical in thinking, doomed to dwell.
Fate handed me physical strength
That my mind tries to breach
Bombing the soul mentally
Clouding confidence with doubt.
It feels sometimes
I’m turning inside out.
Churning to an enormous swell
Erupting often for all to see.
I don’t hate myself
I have an addiction for perfection
Obsession with clarity and certainty.
Truth as always
Speaks through the heart
Channels to the soul in the most simplest of forms.
Without verse I would of ended life
Using violence to signify my silence
Using death to create reaction.
Finally and tentatively, I chose the written word
Willing and grateful to be understood
But if not so be it, my mind is no more defined
By my thoughts being heard
The fog lifts only to the night
The mist clears from in front of my eyes
though I cannot see.
For I am trapped, trapped in a cocoon of fragility
vulnerable for all to see,
blind to rational choices.
The windpipe of breath closes in
causing abject terror to rise above a level beyond fear.
Strangulation of silence surrounding me
accelerating the heights of animated terror
blurring the once serene view.
The immediate future laid out in front of me,
safe but grim,
Immortal, though cold in mind and soul.
Brainwashed in waves of furious emotions,
rippling in, clear as truth,
a foul lifeless premonition
with empty thoughts never raising suspicion.
Living on the edge of nervous foundations
hypnotic to a ritualistic routine.
A follower of a secret-society cult
living in my mind
closing the shutters on life
creeping in secret backdoors to the soul
whispering fairy tales not of this world.
I choose not to listen to my demons
the minions that celebrate death and filth,
along the path towards damnation.
I shall confront the architect who paved the road to my own inferno,
the Emperor that feeds on sorrow.
Though he bares my face,
shares my image,
he is dark, and I am light
I am day, he is night.
The only way to kill this cursed reflection
would bring death upon myself.
That is what the martyr craves,
for me to release myself of life
give myself forever, and be immortalised to the dark.
I will not succumb to this outcome,
though I know as long as my heart beats
the war will never end.
But when it does,
it shall be fate’s will that takes my last breath,
as I rather live with this heavy burden
than lighten my heart prematurely.
My interpretation of the downward spiral towards a mental hell. An out of control feeling, which at one point a choice has to be made; to start climbing back up or let go of the ledge to damnation.