A moment of clarity

Stood high, naked and hollow from emotion
Tempting nature to take me by force
Releasing blame from my conscience.
As the cold gripped reality
Only then did I know what you meant to me.
Feeling as if I knew all along
I flew
Drifting out to sea.
My reflection blinking out of the past and in to the future.
I am a warrior with a weakness to the armour
A biological fault passed on father to son
Critical in thinking, doomed to dwell.
Fate handed me physical strength
That my mind tries to breach
Bombing the soul mentally
Clouding confidence with doubt.
It feels sometimes
I’m turning inside out.
Churning to an enormous swell
Erupting often for all to see.
I don’t hate myself
I have an addiction for perfection
Obsession with clarity and certainty.
Truth as always
Speaks through the heart
Channels to the soul in the most simplest of forms.
Without verse I would of ended life
Using violence to signify my silence
Using death to create reaction.
Finally and tentatively, I chose the written word
Willing and grateful to be understood
But if not so be it, my mind is no more defined
By my thoughts being heard

Within Temptation

The fog lifts only to the night
The mist clears from in front of my eyes
though I cannot see.
For I am trapped, trapped in a cocoon of fragility
vulnerable for all to see,
blind to rational choices.
The windpipe of breath closes in
causing abject terror to rise above a level beyond fear.
Strangulation of silence surrounding me
accelerating the heights of animated terror
blurring the once serene view.
The immediate future laid out in front of me,
safe but grim,
Immortal, though cold in mind and soul.
Brainwashed in waves of furious emotions,
rippling in, clear as truth,
a foul lifeless premonition
with empty thoughts never raising suspicion.
Living on the edge of nervous foundations
hypnotic to a ritualistic routine.
A follower of a secret-society cult
living in my mind
closing the shutters on life
creeping in secret backdoors to the soul
whispering fairy tales not of this world.

I choose not to listen to my demons
the minions that celebrate death and filth,
along the path towards damnation.
I shall confront the architect who paved the road to my own inferno,
the Emperor that feeds on sorrow.
Though he bares my face,
shares my image,
he is dark, and I am light
I am day, he is night.
The only way to kill this cursed reflection
would bring death upon myself.
That is what the martyr craves,
for me to release myself of life
give myself forever, and be immortalised to the dark.
I will not succumb to this outcome,
though I know as long as my heart beats
the war will never end.
But when it does,
it shall be fate’s will that takes my last breath,
as I rather live with this heavy burden
than lighten my heart prematurely.

My interpretation of the downward spiral towards a mental hell. An out of control feeling, which at one point a choice has to be made; to start climbing back up or let go of the ledge to damnation.

Eclipse of the Flesh

Do the stars trouble the moon
Or the clouds the sky?
Sincerely not, they live in perfect tranquillity.
So why does the mind trouble the soul
Bring blackness to light
And doubt in to harmony and reality.
We think therefore we explore
Pushing boundaries where entanglement cannot be undone,
Where sanity is breached
To a place where torment only lies.
At this time we wander the future and past
Falling backwards or forwards
Never balancing on the present
Believing the mystical over the substantial.
The fight is not Demon or Angel,
Thoughts are the rulers of pained outcome
The totem of the body
The all seeing eye,
Parading imagination as a false God
Seeking mortality with a corporeal shell.
Don’t believe what is null and vacant
The mind torments the soul
But invisibility evaporates.
The true saviour is the heart that beats
It repels all blackness
Pulls in love and locks in place a safe retreat
To visit in times of cold desolation.
Follow the veins of warmth and grasp with open arms,
Shut out the empty voices
And through the rapture never let go.

Found in the corner

A Human shape of dark gold,

picture of a fallen angel,

Though out of tears of humanity

comes beauty,

A Stage where the devil danced

sits a heart full of romance,

Skin cold to the touch,

narrow eyes say so much,

Demons plead to vanity

betraying oneself through insanity,

rages of a daggers thrust,

again, never be able to trust

Left at the bottom starved of humanity,

begging loud for sanity,

Mouth drying for life of hunger

physically harming to creep from slumber,

A soul of sugar succumbed to salt,

guilt embedded, self always at fault

Be the soul that Holds the hand

to Lift the person from the ground,

Acknowledge those Deep Blue eyes of fright,

buried inside hides a light

Hold my Hand (listen up)

Born cold, naked, alone and reeling,

External voices give love and feeling,

Assigned guardians protecting the soul from danger,

Only listeners now are the professional strangers,

Comes a time when there’s no understanding,

Racing thoughts free falling, never landing,

A loneliness leading to a fatal event,

Humans need to evolve, to see and prevent,

Exaggerated smiling a mask of pretend,

Pre-planning inside how and when it will end,

False empathy feels the rebound of shock,

Tears fall from deaf persecutors who mocked,

Surrounded by intelligence and warm blood,

Who have time only, for their own emotional flood,

Helplessness binds tight, held with no strap,

Doors of life closing on this too frequent trap,

An unanswerable question the finger of blame,

Just decided somewhere, time to extinguish the flame,

Silence crying out for any intervention,

Signs abundant that displayed the intention,

Too blind to see? Too many to mention,

History won’t reverse for any redemption,

With only benign friends left on the shelf,

No-one to listen, can only turn to yourself,

Which can only lead to a toxic affair,

Ending fatally with a still deathly stare,

From a corse cold slab, made of stone,

Here lies the final image, of feeling alone.

Suicide

Trying to create awareness.

An honest account of my near suicide thoughts and experiences, along with dealing with intrusive thoughts of suicide, for a majority of my life.

Touching briefly on witnessing suicide first hand and the emotions that follow. A poem on suicide to finish. Permission has been sought and granted by any third parties mentioned.

 

https://www.thecalmzone.net/   – The website for C.A.L.M, The campaign against living miserably. They deal with people who are feeling suicidal and families of suicides. A really good charity for anyone looking for answers on this topic.

Antidote

Run run run away
The thread is wearing thin
Escape escape escape this place
No one knows where you’ve been

Flee flee flee this hole
Don’t know what you might find
Help help help yourself
Take possession of your mind

Change change change direction
Squeeze the blood out from your hand
Free free free the poison
Maybe now you’ll understand.