Broken

If you notice how I feel
Please don’t go ahead and ask
As my tears will start to surface
And wash away my mask,

You stare in to my eyes
To notice I’m not blinking
Please keep my aching secret
Inside my heart is sinking,

I will just get through this moment
Squeeze my hand, but keep my lie
My strength will suppress my tears
Only alone will I break and cry.

Illusion of safety

Waiting but it’s already here
The dark space to which I crawl
Pushing to escape this prison,
The boundaries on which I draw

Smiling but I’m already dead
Internally an empty house of glass
Every step, a step too far
Painful to survive, to forever last

Thinking but the thought has stuck
An enemy of autonomy and will
I’m safe in my compulsive home
Never to breathe, never too kill

History but not the present
Happy with my compulsive lie
Only one certainty calms my soul
I will not live, I will not die.

Life Force

Holding my hand onto the chest
grabbing at the beat,
closing my eyes
to place a palm face to the ground,
I send to you a wave of comfort
vibrating to your soul,
Untying the mind
of loneliness and hunger,
I shall remain silent,
where i’m knelt,
Embracing the knowledge from the earth
that when your heart skips,
to a sound of warmth and compassion
my gift has been felt.

Love in Crazy

The heart rendered like a king
Tall, stout and impressive
Evaporating all like a sponge
Past, present, resoundingly obsessive

With each new wave the strings get taunt
Feeling loose, but always holds
A break can be repaired
Or just a myth, that,s been re-told

Eye connections are real
The soul gets mystified
One Love, one other heart to feel
No more can be justified

A timeless lone night lays deep
Coupling and souling a must
Or forever be left in eternal limbo
Heart and mind turning to dust

Running parallel, so very close
A touch sickly, like a vertigo ride
Hearing and speech become an echo
In and out, rythmn of the tide

Is this truth, or is it false?
Love and anguish, my mind they share
Working through, but by default
In both worlds, I have to bare.

Flavour

Senses turning against reality
Honing in on the rotten
Overpowering any sweetness
Polluting the mind
Affecting the body.

The anxiety appears in sweat
Soaking the bare clothes
Saturating any social events
With toxic thinking
Turning to toxic odours.

Thoughts say I’m unkempt
It realeases as a truth in wetness
Soaking my life from the pits.
Buts it’s an illusion of the brain
Worrying about the future event
Causing anxiety to rise
And for the flood to come true.

My depressive scent
Separates me from society
Isolates me from possible relationships
Forcing my hand to Stay indoors
Showering the stink away
Countless times a day.
In that moment I’m clean
Until I step outside the door
Then sweat begins once more,
Overpowering any soap
Giving a sensation and urge
To peel away the skin.

Saviour was a biological solution
Leading to side effects of the body,
But at least that phase of life ran dry
Causing a drought of the body.
Finially one less worry from inside my shell.
Anxiety still condemned me
Not to leave the house
But in my own company at least,
My fragrance didn’t smell.

My new book

Featuring poetry about mental health – included are OCD, Anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, social isolation, suicide, addiction and many other mental health issues I’ve had to combat.

I’m hoping people can relate and then maybe be encouraged to share their own stories in art form and be creative with their mental health. Follow the link to find out more.

Encryption of the Mind https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/152891435X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_Nt4IDb5W365Z1

A passing Goodbye

One minute I was falling
The next I was free
In an expanse of wonder
A place of my dreams

Parade through the valley
Breathe amongst the flowers
Living here is magical
A second lasts for hours

I love exploring the fields
Where the horses run
I’ve only just arrived
It’s feels I belong

I dance among the trees
Shake the fruit from above
I sing with the birds
The song is full of love

I lye down in the grass
I look up to the sky
An echo rings my ears
Of you saying goodbye

A life gone full circle
An innocence released
I’ll miss and be missed
Though my heart is at peace.