Encased tightly like a kindred shawl
Operatic music keys the deathly parade
Darkness falls as depression is unforgiven
Out of sleep, madness has ferociously risen
Minds lavish with stops and barriers
Each technique infiltrates the game
Confront the beast to endure the wrath
The dark showman encores with no laugh
Focus faded from white to blue
Sharp intakes as breath breaks free
Eyes swell enticed to a burning flame
Non-existent fiend is the common claim
Social effort made with no appreciation
Cloaked and hooded, a brave face worn
Battling blind is to live by the sword
Struggle back as help cries ignored
Body shifts earthwards to a living recession
A empty conscience to combat the depression
Cut off the head to revive the throne,
Before the dread absorbs, all to the bone
None believed the belief held by the host
Bleak haunted calls from the holy ghost
Redundant friends mourn the shadowy bed
Truth now evident, as tears soak the dead.
The grey imakes a becoming change,
Where it was dark, there’s now light,
The future wasn’t written just blanked out,
From dense and heavy to very bright
The journey from the dark came with struggles,
Obsessions came with their own withdrawal,
Finally breaking free liberated the pressures,
Now able to catch yourself if you fall
Inspiring the mind to keep the flame burning,
Blackness still beckons with a whimpering hand,
Journey from there to here has many obstacles,
You can now judge you! and understand
It’s about being honest and true,
Get out and be proud of how you feel,
Keep your head high and be much more,
Part of being yourself is keeping it real
Thoughts and feelings are now words and verse,
Part of showing the world what you can do,
The personal expectations have been lifted,
There’s no limit to where life can take you
One side of the mind suppressive
Opposite side, hard and obsessive
Middle a vacant cold space
Been awhile since it has seen a face
Reminiscent of a grey dark road
Whispering sounds of stories old,
Used to make the heart beat fast
Creating panic so the will won’t last
Spun round with nowhere to hide
Hoping fear would chose a side
Trying to make bravery flee and burn
Beat off the plan of staying to learn
Decades have rolled with a distant middle
False hope messages still a riddle
Good and bad takes turn on each shoulder
Hard to ignore until wiser and older
Each side creeping over to evade
An expert and pro at a whisper parade
Worried voice shouts a rational view
Round in circles, constant de-ja-vue
Side to side, a trap to be alone
Be free in mind, where the thoughts are your own.
Stuck in a lifetime that won’t accept my vision
With mental illness it feels like I’m closer to reality
Others only see what’s in front of their face
Im frustrated their perspective is boundaried,
Blinkered, tunnel vision, seeing only in black and white
They are happy with that
Anxious minds can’t sit still, need to be stretched and challenged,
Imagination set free, be wild instead of socially tamed
Look at the world instead of four walls
Boredom is culpable
World passing by with each new day
Stay with the same or search for like minded individuals
Surrounded by the scared, my thoughts are all alone
Suffocated by negative when aspire to greatness
We are rare, few, forbidden from thinking our truth
Accused of madness, not normal
No wonder Anger issues with the mental frustration
People in front of the que are blind to my perception,
Living with no existence, leaving no trace
Open eyes that no longer see
Repressed folk suck the life out of the inspired
The media has suppressed the creative
Labelled for being a stranger in my own time
Frowned upon, scolded
Masses creating the word ‘stigma’ to separate themselves
Don’t listen to the ignorant
Nothing grows in the comfort zone
Be selfish, use your emotions given,
The next generation will love you for it,
Don’t ever get shown the door,
The anxious feeling is not a feeling of being lost,
It’s the longing of wanting more…
Why do I feel better when i hear people around me are in pain or suffering, am I glad it’s not me?.
What is that little bit of feeling deep inside that flutters when I realise someone else is worse off, family member, friend, or work colleague.
Hearing a person’s bad news awakes a second or two of hope in my mind.
Is it because I’m glad I’m not the weakest person in the room, even it’s just for the day? A relief of a kind of not being alone in torment.
This feeling may last seconds or hours, but it feeds on others bad and torrid times.
An inner voice that screams that maybe, just for today we won’t be the only black hole of a person. A shadow self that secretly loves hearing the failures of others.
Is it easily awoken in me because of my ill mental health, anxieties, and depression and offers some mental relief?.
Judging a person and smiling inside though externally offering support.
I Feel bad afterwards on reflection but knowing it will happen again and I will be glad.
But I want to live in a world where I can feel free and be in a mental position to help others who are suffering, without that split second of joy.
Its a paradox of knowing how it feels to suffer, having the empathy to help others, and wanting to help others, but having the relief and restbite that it’s not always me. I guess that’s just being human.
Maybe it’s better that way than being a person who has suffered and inflicts suffering onto others. Or a person who feels joy when they hear of peoples troubles, through a dislike or hatred.
On reflection I know it’s there and I acknowledge it. It’s part of who I am and what I’ve been through. My mind protects itself anyway it can, day-day. I know deep inside it makes me a better person, because in the end I can share the pain, empathise, and help.
Telling someone you love them, with uncertainty of the answer, is the bravest of the brave.
A silent response can kill a person, a whispered split second produces a thousand thoughts, breaking a million hearts.
Baring all but not to recieve, Love, feelings, emotions, makes giving the hardest choice, speaking truth the hardest voice.
Don’t underestimate, behind every quiet voice is a chaotic mind, who may shake to start with but will end in full force.
Speaking your mind when you don’t trust yourself is the toughest barrier to break. Defences are high, comfort is safer in silence.
Don’t speak with malice, speak with imagination, humour, and for defence. Believe in your truth, the truth of the world around you, what you seek will find you and stand by your side.