Living Hell

The first draft of reflective imagery that invades my mind.

Sucked into an abyss of astronomical proportions, swirling downward feeling the heat on my feet. Relief would be to perish and never look back. But this would be too easy, they’d rather I suffocate in possession of the intrusive thoughts piercing my mind, leaving transparent holes of uncertainty and frozen whirlwinds harrowing at my reality and convictions.

 

Point the forks upwards, forcing the inside temptation to scream and surrender under the guilty burden, invisible shadows climbing on my back. The weight shrugs as a reminder not to proceed with the idea of liberation and freedom. It’s part of the torture, the false hope we feed on for survival is desired of course, but only left for balance, for sanity to stay before Hell is reached. Turning downward facing obscene flames which spit obscenities, hurting the soul and spouting the stench of foulness like a spike billowing the winds of heart strings.

Prying eyes look on as a devils intent. Look is a stab, a stab cutting the Flesh and swallowing entrails of red and gold. Flashes of yellow signals the explosion of the soul collapsing inward, shades of grey elope and revel in the mix of light. In my head a giant, but not necessary a tyrant, though the horns and hanging flesh give away past intentions, and deviance outgoings. Will his look spill towards me, igniting the hunger in the eyes. Or maybe I’ll be spared, increasing fear and anxiety of the soul. Part of the torment. Being flippant with lives. Being a false remorse, leering at me, the prey, the gift.

Spinning discs pass my neck with a flys width. Razors designated to maime and cause surrender. My face blanches, filling the bottle before it’s spilt…

Dreams

Dark shadows stretch out where I lay,
A calm warmth surrounds where I slept,
Making adjustments between night and day
A thousand times, I’ve laid here and wept

Eyes half wide, checking my life’s place,
Feelings of content without any cares,
My dreams are a sanes person’s reality,
My reality is people’s kind of nightmares

Look forward to the night, a place to escape
Where happy memories bubble and ferment,
During the seemingly split second break,
An awaken alarm feels like torment

Nerves in stomach from hitting the pillow,
Looking forward to sleep, but not waking,
An invisible nights story lights up my life,
Awoken from peace, anxiety in the making

Another paradox of this infinite cycle,
A taste of something pure that never stays,
Wish this reality would switch around,
Where peaceful nights, turn into peaceful days

Shutters

Night the calmest part of day
Glowing silence creates more sound
Sight plays games, takes you away,
To places old and places bound

Jaw cracks from looping yawn
Eyes take the weight, head rebooted
Empty dream script gets drawn
Rest stolen, sleep slowly looted

Waking nights, waking days
Blends, merges as one
Start to fear and be afraid
See no change in moon and sun

Limbs tired, minds seized
Mask feels true and alive
Dream of sleep, reality squeezed
Lazy mind cries to survive

Passed the point of this realm
Bright light a false life line
Whose the driver at the helm
Decides the fate, this life of mine

Vessels and blood pump hard
Some fight left with a devils bind
Again we survive this mental charge,
Must of been an Angel that changed our mind

Urgency

Life is never enough
Time is a thorn to endless resolution
The urgency pumping through our veins
Reaching out
To a self-made deadline
An internal pressure
Mind fixated on serinty filling
Reality we’re soul killing
Feeling selfish when relaxing chances upon us
Need to slow sensations to body
Enjoy instead of panic
Breath instead of losing breathe
Sit in thought
Not wishing life away
Activities participated in anxiety
Those memories won’t last
Pleasure taken leisurely, calmly
Will be remembered
Play your own game
At a comfortable soothing pace
Life’s too short yes,
So why rush?

Swallowed

Encased tightly like a kindred shawl
Operatic music keys the deathly parade
Darkness falls as depression is unforgiven
Out of sleep, madness has ferociously risen

Minds lavish with stops and barriers
Each technique infiltrates the game
Confront the beast to endure the wrath
The dark showman encores with no laugh

Focus faded from white to blue
Sharp intakes as breath breaks free
Eyes swell enticed to a burning flame
Non-existent fiend is the common claim

Social effort made with no appreciation
Cloaked and hooded, a brave face worn
Battling blind is to live by the sword
Struggle back as help cries ignored

Body shifts earthwards to a living recession
A empty conscience to combat the depression
Cut off the head to revive the throne,
Before the dread absorbs, all to the bone

None believed the belief held by the host
Bleak haunted calls from the holy ghost
Redundant friends mourn the shadowy bed
Truth now evident, as tears soak the dead.

Transition

The grey imakes a becoming change,
Where it was dark, there’s now light,
The future wasn’t written just blanked out,
From dense and heavy to very bright

The journey from the dark came with struggles,
Obsessions came with their own withdrawal,
Finally breaking free liberated the pressures,
Now able to catch yourself if you fall

Inspiring the mind to keep the flame burning,
Blackness still beckons with a whimpering hand,
Journey from there to here has many obstacles,
You can now judge you! and understand

It’s about being honest and true,
Get out and be proud of how you feel,
Keep your head high and be much more,
Part of being yourself is keeping it real

Thoughts and feelings are now words and verse,
Part of showing the world what you can do,
The personal expectations have been lifted,
There’s no limit to where life can take you

Blind Side

Blind side

One side of the mind suppressive
Opposite side, hard and obsessive
Middle a vacant cold space
Been awhile since it has seen a face
Reminiscent of a grey dark road
Whispering sounds of stories old,
Used to make the heart beat fast
Creating panic so the will won’t last
Spun round with nowhere to hide
Hoping fear would chose a side
Trying to make bravery flee and burn
Beat off the plan of staying to learn
Decades have rolled with a distant middle
False hope messages still a riddle
Good and bad takes turn on each shoulder
Hard to ignore until wiser and older
Each side creeping over to evade
An expert and pro at a whisper parade
Worried voice shouts a rational view
Round in circles, constant de-ja-vue
Side to side, a trap to be alone
Be free in mind, where the thoughts are your own.