Urgency

Life is never enough
Time is a thorn to endless resolution
The urgency pumping through our veins
Reaching out
To a self-made deadline
An internal pressure
Mind fixated on serinty filling
Reality we’re soul killing
Feeling selfish when relaxing chances upon us
Need to slow sensations to body
Enjoy instead of panic
Breath instead of losing breathe
Sit in thought
Not wishing life away
Activities participated in anxiety
Those memories won’t last
Pleasure taken leisurely, calmly
Will be remembered
Play your own game
At a comfortable soothing pace
Life’s too short yes,
So why rush?

Swallowed

Encased tightly like a kindred shawl
Operatic music keys the deathly parade
Darkness falls as depression is unforgiven
Out of sleep, madness has ferociously risen

Minds lavish with stops and barriers
Each technique infiltrates the game
Confront the beast to endure the wrath
The dark showman encores with no laugh

Focus faded from white to blue
Sharp intakes as breath breaks free
Eyes swell enticed to a burning flame
Non-existent fiend is the common claim

Social effort made with no appreciation
Cloaked and hooded, a brave face worn
Battling blind is to live by the sword
Struggle back as help cries ignored

Body shifts earthwards to a living recession
A empty conscience to combat the depression
Cut off the head to revive the throne,
Before the dread absorbs, all to the bone

None believed the belief held by the host
Bleak haunted calls from the holy ghost
Redundant friends mourn the shadowy bed
Truth now evident, as tears soak the dead.

Transition

The grey imakes a becoming change,
Where it was dark, there’s now light,
The future wasn’t written just blanked out,
From dense and heavy to very bright

The journey from the dark came with struggles,
Obsessions came with their own withdrawal,
Finally breaking free liberated the pressures,
Now able to catch yourself if you fall

Inspiring the mind to keep the flame burning,
Blackness still beckons with a whimpering hand,
Journey from there to here has many obstacles,
You can now judge you! and understand

It’s about being honest and true,
Get out and be proud of how you feel,
Keep your head high and be much more,
Part of being yourself is keeping it real

Thoughts and feelings are now words and verse,
Part of showing the world what you can do,
The personal expectations have been lifted,
There’s no limit to where life can take you

Blind Side

Blind side

One side of the mind suppressive
Opposite side, hard and obsessive
Middle a vacant cold space
Been awhile since it has seen a face
Reminiscent of a grey dark road
Whispering sounds of stories old,
Used to make the heart beat fast
Creating panic so the will won’t last
Spun round with nowhere to hide
Hoping fear would chose a side
Trying to make bravery flee and burn
Beat off the plan of staying to learn
Decades have rolled with a distant middle
False hope messages still a riddle
Good and bad takes turn on each shoulder
Hard to ignore until wiser and older
Each side creeping over to evade
An expert and pro at a whisper parade
Worried voice shouts a rational view
Round in circles, constant de-ja-vue
Side to side, a trap to be alone
Be free in mind, where the thoughts are your own.

No Surrender

Stuck in a lifetime that won’t accept my vision
With mental illness it feels like I’m closer to reality
Others only see what’s in front of their face
Im frustrated their perspective is boundaried,
Blinkered, tunnel vision, seeing only in black and white

They are happy with that

Anxious minds can’t sit still, need to be stretched and challenged,
Imagination set free, be wild instead of socially tamed
Look at the world instead of four walls

Boredom is culpable

World passing by with each new day
Stay with the same or search for like minded individuals
Surrounded by the scared, my thoughts are all alone
Suffocated by negative when aspire to greatness

We are rare, few, forbidden from thinking our truth

Accused of madness, not normal
No wonder Anger issues with the mental frustration

People in front of the que are blind to my perception,
Living with no existence, leaving no trace
Open eyes that no longer see
Repressed folk suck the life out of the inspired
The media has suppressed the creative

Labelled for being a stranger in my own time

Frowned upon, scolded
Masses creating the word ‘stigma’ to separate themselves
Don’t listen to the ignorant
Nothing grows in the comfort zone

Be selfish, use your emotions given,
The next generation will love you for it,
Don’t ever get shown the door,
The anxious feeling is not a feeling of being lost,
It’s the longing of wanting more…

Honest

Why do I feel better when i hear people around me are in pain or suffering, am I glad it’s not me?.

What is that little bit of feeling deep inside that flutters when I realise someone else is worse off, family member, friend, or work colleague.

Hearing a person’s bad news awakes a second or two of hope in my mind.

Is it because I’m glad I’m not the weakest person in the room, even it’s just for the day? A relief of a kind of not being alone in torment.

This feeling may last seconds or hours, but it feeds on others bad and torrid times.

An inner voice that screams that maybe, just for today we won’t be the only black hole of a person. A shadow self that secretly loves hearing the failures of others.

Is it easily awoken in me because of my ill mental health, anxieties, and depression and offers some mental relief?.

Judging a person and smiling inside though externally offering support.

I Feel bad afterwards on reflection but knowing it will happen again and I will be glad.

But I want to live in a world where I can feel free and be in a mental position to help others who are suffering, without that split second of joy.

Its a paradox of knowing how it feels to suffer, having the empathy to help others, and wanting to help others, but having the relief and restbite that it’s not always me. I guess that’s just being human.

Maybe it’s better that way than being a person who has suffered and inflicts suffering onto others. Or a person who feels joy when they hear of peoples troubles, through a dislike or hatred.

On reflection I know it’s there and I acknowledge it. It’s part of who I am and what I’ve been through. My mind protects itself anyway it can, day-day. I know deep inside it makes me a better person, because in the end I can share the pain, empathise, and help.

Brave

Telling someone you love them, with uncertainty of the answer, is the bravest of the brave.

A silent response can kill a person, a whispered split second produces a thousand thoughts, breaking a million hearts.

Baring all but not to recieve, Love, feelings, emotions, makes giving the hardest choice, speaking truth the hardest voice.

Don’t underestimate, behind every quiet voice is a chaotic mind, who may shake to start with but will end in full force.

Speaking your mind when you don’t trust yourself is the toughest barrier to break. Defences are high, comfort is safer in silence.

Don’t speak with malice, speak with imagination, humour, and for defence. Believe in your truth, the truth of the world around you, what you seek will find you and stand by your side.