If you notice how I feel
Please don’t go ahead and ask
As my tears will start to surface
And wash away my mask,
You stare in to my eyes
To notice I’m not blinking
Please keep my aching secret
Inside my heart is sinking,
I will just get through this moment
Squeeze my hand, but keep my lie
My strength will suppress my tears
Only alone will I break and cry.
Thinking is nights blinking
Keeping awake the conscience
Alerting panic to stand by
Even though it’s a lie.
Sanity briefly held together
By a strand of rationality
That’s left in a reality.
Would I really do this
Could this really happen?
No not today, or ever,
But the mind lives it as truth
Senses and heart in overdrive
Bringing death closer through neglect.
The body lives by the heads guidance
Believing the false inevitable,
Asking what’s the use
In carrying on towards oblivion
As an supposed evil or fractured person
In this squalor we call freedom.
If the eyes saw what the body felt
The shock would kill the soul,
The hand would let blood flow,
Flooding the sanctuary of the mind
Until there can be no more questioning,
No Arguing or inner struggles with ones self.
Is it best to surrender prematurely
Instead of forever defining
Peoples altered perspectives of love and hate?.
Its tiring,
I wish I had the strength to just lay down and die
And release my soul, to this unknown fate.
Waiting but it’s already here
The dark space to which I crawl
Pushing to escape this prison,
The boundaries on which I draw
Smiling but I’m already dead
Internally an empty house of glass
Every step, a step too far
Painful to survive, to forever last
Thinking but the thought has stuck
An enemy of autonomy and will
I’m safe in my compulsive home
Never to breathe, never too kill
History but not the present
Happy with my compulsive lie
Only one certainty calms my soul
I will not live, I will not die.
As the sun rises
The mind sets
On a horizon of space
And joyful chaos,
Carrying you on a journey
Of laughter and confusion
Through an orbit of mischief,
Only returning,
By holding the hands of the stars
Who lay you back down
In comfort and wonder,
Until you’re awakened fully
Wondering, if your voyage was true
As dreams can tell lies,
Though what can’t be hidden
Or ever taken
Is the sparkle, left in your eyes
To believe in the chemical of blackness,
A slight of light in the sky, turns out to be a fool’s romance.
Which means stars are a gift from distance,
Not a shooting mirage, viewed by chance.
The past is the past until it doesn’t last,
When does it start catching up to you?
The answer is never,
if you endeavor to end history prematurely.
Get off, get on the ride
Both a form of suicide
Dont just weep on seeing the sheep,
Wander to your own haven
Where thoughts are enslaved
And banished on the grounds of rationality.
Can never change a believer
Unless doubt breeds from within,
Then belief becomes a story
An ugly fairy tale
That grew its roots in truth
But no longer serves a purpose
Other than a reminder
Imagination has a sensation
That lends itself to emotional illusion.
Holding my hand onto the chest
grabbing at the beat,
closing my eyes
to place a palm face to the ground,
I send to you a wave of comfort
vibrating to your soul,
Untying the mind
of loneliness and hunger,
I shall remain silent,
where i’m knelt,
Embracing the knowledge from the earth
that when your heart skips,
to a sound of warmth and compassion
my gift has been felt.
The heart rendered like a king
Tall, stout and impressive
Evaporating all like a sponge
Past, present, resoundingly obsessive
With each new wave the strings get taunt
Feeling loose, but always holds
A break can be repaired
Or just a myth, that,s been re-told
Eye connections are real
The soul gets mystified
One Love, one other heart to feel
No more can be justified
A timeless lone night lays deep
Coupling and souling a must
Or forever be left in eternal limbo
Heart and mind turning to dust
Running parallel, so very close
A touch sickly, like a vertigo ride
Hearing and speech become an echo
In and out, rythmn of the tide
Is this truth, or is it false?
Love and anguish, my mind they share
Working through, but by default
In both worlds, I have to bare.
