The soul is like the sun
It can’t be tamed
So don’t try to blinker life
Or pass the energy on to others.
It will haunt and taunt
Surrounding the clouded spirit
Until pressure erupts
Controlling the present path.
How you transform in that moment
is down to choice.
Control becomes immune to hesitation
Seize the colour inside
Create an unique aura
Or dark will take over
Stood high, naked and hollow from emotion
Tempting nature to take me by force
Releasing blame from my conscience.
As the cold gripped reality
Only then did I know what you meant to me.
Feeling as if I knew all along
I flew
Drifting out to sea.
My reflection blinking out of the past and in to the future.
I am a warrior with a weakness to the armour
A biological fault passed on father to son
Critical in thinking, doomed to dwell.
Fate handed me physical strength
That my mind tries to breach
Bombing the soul mentally
Clouding confidence with doubt.
It feels sometimes
I’m turning inside out.
Churning to an enormous swell
Erupting often for all to see.
I don’t hate myself
I have an addiction for perfection
Obsession with clarity and certainty.
Truth as always
Speaks through the heart
Channels to the soul in the most simplest of forms.
Without verse I would of ended life
Using violence to signify my silence
Using death to create reaction.
Finally and tentatively, I chose the written word
Willing and grateful to be understood
But if not so be it, my mind is no more defined
By my thoughts being heard
Back and forth in doorways
Three o’clock deep in the night
In and out my body swayed
Not sleeping to I felt just right
Turning lights on and off
Turning taps so much tighter
Wearing six tops in summer
Staring at a torch, turning it brighter
Under all these layers this is me
I’m no different, I just have OCD
Not stepping on the carpet
Paining myself and cutting my hair
Putting clothes on again and again
The same ones for a week, I have to wear
Light switches too and thro’
Washing rehashed and flung about
Walking backwards on the football field
I’m saving the world ain’t no doubt
Under all these layers this is me
I’m no different I just have OCD
Not able to read or write normal
Repeating words and crossing off
Having compulsions in school exams
Having to blink, having to cough
The school tie was pulled up tight
Along with the top button on my shirt
Couldn’t breath and sweated badly
Doesn’t make sense, it really hurt
A Life dictated by numbers
With fear, dread and impending doom
Imagination susposed to be a gift
But for me more like a living tomb
No-one ever asked, people’s reality different to mine
Became an expert in hiding, so bittersweet divine
Stuck in an endless, ignorant cycle of fright
Cant love, leave,or live until the feeling feels just right.
Shoreline paraphrases; peace be with you
even in cold
it has a soul of its own
with therapeutic qualities
that seduces the willing
to open up to its innocence
as beauty unfolds,
Waves
telling stories
of offering forgiveness
to the faces of rock
as their identity
is swallowed by the sea sweep
Pending tides high
as hard places collide
slowly flowing
with grace and compassion,
No competition to the sky
rip, roaring, receding
loud, but with a never ending stillness
captured in time
compensating the storm,
Mysterious and magical streams
passing through the waves
with the freedom of expanse
bringing life
to the sea
as the pebbles dance
Takes a special kind of person
To turn their back on blood
A frozen shell that never breaks
Holding back the emotional flood
Would it spark a bit of love
If we all started to cry?
I feel that chapters been read
The words turning to a lie
You break a branch then climb
Damaging the family tree
Moving to a new orchard
Happy to be free
Never caring to look back
Even though you planted the seed
I guess I’ll never know
If your heart slowly bleeds.
The End.
When family doesn’t want to understand your mental health. When they’ve moved on, remarried and in their eyes starting with a clean slate.
I’ve found you can’t warm the coldest of hearts or change the most empty of minds.
There is no limit to the present
Choose to die today, it doesn’t end
Choose to live, then life begins,
In moments of silence, time still moves,
Cold surrenders to the warm
Light always pierces dark,
Even underground nothing is buried forever
Nothing is wasted in life
Each breath is counted
Every voice matters and is heard
Each footstep revolves the earth
Laughing makes it a better place to live,
Legacy is moulded from other people’s minds
Revealing truths unknown to many
Exposing ideas which originally had no environment to thrive,
Dormant intelligence and imagination breeds from goodwill
Cultivates to the surface when embraced with love.
Don’t choose to die today
If nothing else, outcry internally
Awake the lost soul from its timidity,
We are shaped to matter
Formed unique waiting to be discovered,
Don’t stay buried
Help shift the earth that encloses with comfort,
There is no limit to the present.
