Open Book

My history is no mystery. It’s shines in the background, as do I.

My life is an open book, if you ask I shall tell you the truth of my afflictions.

OCD, agoraphobia, depression, all haunted my soul for so long. Making me feel guilt and pain for no reason. Polluting my thoughts with never-ending negative whirlwinds.

Sometimes it was hard to think of what to believe. The truth inside me, or the inner voice spouting falsehoods and creating a dark landscape for me to follow.

I learned to diminish these happenings, put aside the demon to the sides of me.

Only then could I breathe clean air, think clear thoughts and live a truth, not a lie.

My character has, and always will remain intact. My soul has been tainted by ill mental health, but my fight and vision lies true.

CRY

When you go to sleep
I shall weep

In private, tears will fall
Requiring help, I won’t call

Cries drown my pillow
From days of sorrow

Always a restless hour
With thoughts turning sour

Awake in a personal hell
Mind is my prison cell

Cut me open, make it swift
Bleed me empty, as a gift

Blood shall be my last weep
Peace now, forever sleep

Hells Mouth

Sliding through the narrow throat
Boiling blood a black hearts moat
Swallowed whole, with body complete
Forked tounge radiating white heat

Naively seduced to a fiendish trap
Entrapment from the demons lap
Keep not all your enemies close
Or soon ending up as an innocent dose

Wearing human skin as clothes
With webbed feet and claws as toes
Scattered screams of pain and hurt
Echoing laugh a monsters chirp

Acid spills tempting to erupt
Churning bodies in the fiery gut
Circle of life, destruction of death
Our souls now part of the devils breath.

Hush

Hush now
Night is calling
Eyes bare the weight
of lights burden

Peace sincere
creating a pathway
to the calm
and bleary

Sleep briefly takes
But awakes, Yes!
By the finger poke
of naughtiness

A false jump
The world shook?
Quiet, alone
But somethings afoot

A brain junkie
Misbehaves
Dark’s its playground
Times its prey

A friendly foe
Ally of games
Tickles the mind
Tortures the sane

No, not real!
Cease reacting
In my mind
imagination

Does still calm
Stir the mind?
And dark black
Awake the blind

Swindled again
A false paranoia
Lost myself
Insomnia

All Day All Dead

Sharing my head with an additional voice
A vigilant double skilfully taking over
Pushing me out to elevate it’s own purpose,
I surrender admitting my failure
Of surviving life and existence

I sense ‘It’ clouding each decision
Questioning my clarity,
I’m happy to pass over this burden
Of hell eclipsed in my mind,
Here take me my dark twin
And thrive in this shell!

When at peace you were benign
At war you became malignant,
Poisoning thoughts
Displaying me as diseased
Dropping blood in my tears

I finally fall out of power
Succumbing to the invasion of life,
You win, feel free to dance in my skin
Smile in to the mirror
Touch your recent corporal self

Now I’m the reflection
Buried deep still feeling the emotions
That you chose to suppress,
Unable to die or sleep
Dead though immortal

My slights of anxiety
Now surpassed by your confidence
And sociopathic ways of living,
A shadow of consciousness remains
Trapped in torment, looking up, looking out

A realisation I have undertaken a greatest sin
Shelving responsibility to a misconception,
Seduced by demons or demon
The dark side of my brain,
A mistake too final to comprehend
As long as my visual double still breathes
I shall suffer

Forever awake and forever aware
That my soul, I wasn’t meant to share