Winter winds

A Shadow of a person I could’ve been. Hiding from the world out of guilt and shame. But I’m always seen. My personal space is my enemy and my friend. Living life or on pretend. How will it end?

Fighting the good fight takes all the emotions and more, until there’s nothing left. When will I feel free? To see past the dark and flee…

Shadow Self

Shadow Self

Looking forward to the weekend
Drinking and socializing with mates
Half excited, half wrenching
In case the conversation turns to dates,
Of more nights or future holidays
Things on the spot I agree to
Pit of my stomach is yearning
I will avoid each one, and I do!
Talk of glory days I’ve missed
In the crowd but still alone
Detached, looking down from above
Lies and guilt, I could never atone,

But they’re a good bunch of friends
Initially I’m always included
In my head yes, no, yes, no
The reality, I feel excluded,
Listening out for the question
Waiting to be asked
Just for it to be over
For them it’s just a task,
An unspoken air of formality
Asking and I say yes
The elephant in the room is reality
Knowing I will let them down by text,

Not real great times, always on edge
But that was as good as it got,
They still think I’m some kind of ledge
But I know I’m not,
What I’d felt back then, wasn’t really me
I kinda knew, but today I know
And if I could live those days again,
I’d just go along with the normal flow,
Past is gone now, no time for regrets
Looking back I feel kind of blessed,
Because they’re a good bunch of friends
And my issues? No-one could have guessed.

Copyright Chanty 2013

Thoughts of an OCD mind

A New Video – Thoughts of an OCD mind

A truthful and honest account of the history of my OCD and how it affected me growing up, Relationships, family, school, friends…
Describing the hang ups that come with it, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Depression, intrusive thoughts, and others.

Finishing with how to be creative with the thoughts and a poem about OCD.