Broken

If you notice how I feel
Please don’t go ahead and ask
As my tears will start to surface
And wash away my mask,

You stare in to my eyes
To notice I’m not blinking
Please keep my aching secret
Inside my heart is sinking,

I will just get through this moment
Squeeze my hand, but keep my lie
My strength will suppress my tears
Only alone will I break and cry.

Dreams can come true

Thinking is nights blinking
Keeping awake the conscience
Alerting panic to stand by
Even though it’s a lie.
Sanity briefly held together
By a strand of rationality
That’s left in a reality.
Would I really do this
Could this really happen?
No not today, or ever,
But the mind lives it as truth
Senses and heart in overdrive
Bringing death closer through neglect.
The body lives by the heads guidance
Believing the false inevitable,
Asking what’s the use
In carrying on towards oblivion
As an supposed evil or fractured person
In this squalor we call freedom.
If the eyes saw what the body felt
The shock would kill the soul,
The hand would let blood flow,
Flooding the sanctuary of the mind
Until there can be no more questioning,
No Arguing or inner struggles with ones self.
Is it best to surrender prematurely
Instead of forever defining
Peoples altered perspectives of love and hate?.
Its tiring,
I wish I had the strength to just lay down and die
And release my soul, to this unknown fate.

Illusion of safety

Waiting but it’s already here
The dark space to which I crawl
Pushing to escape this prison,
The boundaries on which I draw

Smiling but I’m already dead
Internally an empty house of glass
Every step, a step too far
Painful to survive, to forever last

Thinking but the thought has stuck
An enemy of autonomy and will
I’m safe in my compulsive home
Never to breathe, never too kill

History but not the present
Happy with my compulsive lie
Only one certainty calms my soul
I will not live, I will not die.

Time between sleep

As the sun rises
The mind sets
On a horizon of space
And joyful chaos,
Carrying you on a journey
Of laughter and confusion
Through an orbit of mischief,
Only returning,
By holding the hands of the stars
Who lay you back down
In comfort and wonder,
Until you’re awakened fully
Wondering, if your voyage was true
As dreams can tell lies,
Though what can’t be hidden
Or ever taken
Is the sparkle, left in your eyes

Autumn Rain

Though we’re a great distance,
I sense and feel your pain,
So I send some hope up to the sky,
To wash down with the rain

Clouds act as a messenger,
The grey indicates the start,
Of little drops of cheer
That will help an aching heart

So next time there’s a storm,
And you get soaked to the skin,
Remember the hope I sent,
That will heal you from within.

Pendulum

A stranger to family
Though no black sheep,
A white angel
Born to mix up the pure
Voice the occasion
And relax at achievement.

If we died knowing what we really were
We would leave no mystery,
That lies in death
And the memories of the conscious.

Belief of the condemned
May show the path to enlightenment,
Dependant on the creativity
And imagination buried in the unconscious

Do we believe in the scenery
Devised on panic and choice,
Truth is, we are complicit
To the eventuality contrived
By experience
And the stories of our senses.

As family show remorse to the passing
They imagine their own divine termination,
Twisting it to fit a peaceful goodbye
While praying for more time
To design their own salvation.

Feels like seven

Body aching and the mind sore
Affects of liquid draining sorrows, from nights before
Soul stretched out, glaring at the weeks pain
Flickers of memories being rabid and vain

Effects worn off, mind takes in reality
Pain relief worn away, chemical glass half empty
Beginning of the wèek like a deep mist
Plodding in deeper, mind hitting fist

Hate being in the middle, all my life there
Can taste the weeks flavour, thoughts have no flair
Mind pulling in and away, forcing a strain
Wishing my life away; a life built on pain

One more sleepless night until sorrows drowned
Chemical suppressant lined up and downed
Today caught in limbo, half searching soul
Jumping forward, alert, no complete control

Guilt of past had, now long forgotten
Head looking forward, heart scent of rotten
Endless feelings of waves of waste
Mental and physical leaving bad taste

Wake with the curse, enjoyment and regret
Remembering some, others hard to forget
Body and soul forever spinning round
Drill in the mind, pain with no sound

Two nights of fun, memory wipe drinking
Truth hard to swallow, soul slowly sinking
Friends have an edge, a look, and a tone
The worst part is feeling completely alone