Eclipse of the Flesh

Do the stars trouble the moon
Or the clouds the sky?
Sincerely not, they live in perfect tranquillity.
So why does the mind trouble the soul
Bring blackness to light
And doubt in to harmony and reality.
We think therefore we explore
Pushing boundaries where entanglement cannot be undone,
Where sanity is breached
To a place where torment only lies.
At this time we wander the future and past
Falling backwards or forwards
Never balancing on the present
Believing the mystical over the substantial.
The fight is not Demon or Angel,
Thoughts are the rulers of pained outcome
The totem of the body
The all seeing eye,
Parading imagination as a false God
Seeking mortality with a corporeal shell.
Don’t believe what is null and vacant
The mind torments the soul
But invisibility evaporates.
The true saviour is the heart that beats
It repels all blackness
Pulls in love and locks in place a safe retreat
To visit in times of cold desolation.
Follow the veins of warmth and grasp with open arms,
Shut out the empty voices
And through the rapture never let go.

Blind Side

Blind side

One side of the mind suppressive
Opposite side, hard and obsessive
Middle a vacant cold space
Been awhile since it has seen a face
Reminiscent of a grey dark road
Whispering sounds of stories old,
Used to make the heart beat fast
Creating panic so the will won’t last
Spun round with nowhere to hide
Hoping fear would chose a side
Trying to make bravery flee and burn
Beat off the plan of staying to learn
Decades have rolled with a distant middle
False hope messages still a riddle
Good and bad takes turn on each shoulder
Hard to ignore until wiser and older
Each side creeping over to evade
An expert and pro at a whisper parade
Worried voice shouts a rational view
Round in circles, constant de-ja-vue
Side to side, a trap to be alone
Be free in mind, where the thoughts are your own.

Imagination

Think about it thoughts are just our imagination.

I’ve suffered with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, depression, OCD, and loneliness. The reoccurring theme, negative thoughts. Thoughts predicting the future, or worrying about something you did in the past, or fretting over things in the present. This affected me physically, mentally and emotionally.

Thoughts, and the feelings that go with them, which is really the problem, are not real. They feel real, but it’s an illusion. Your body is reacting to the fearful thought. But with intrusive thoughts the fret is not real, it feels real and that’s the downfall of many lives. The mind tries too hard to keep us safe when most of the time there’s really no danger.

Its imagination. The mind making stories up, just not very nice ones. The mind runs wild, thinking up different ways to keep you safe, stopping you coming to, or causing harm. It’s not real. Thoughts are not magic, we can’t see or predict the future. When you realise the actual thoughts don’t mean anything, they’re just imagination,  you’re half way there to getting out of the nightmare.

For me when I was thinking these things I thought it meant something like i’m a bad person. It doesn’t. A thought is just a thought, only the scary and frightening ones stick because of their meaning. A thought about hurting my child stuck because of the consequences. A thought about cheese doesn’t stick because it doesn’t matter. But its the same thing, just a thought. If you try and get rid of, or control a thought, it stays, and so begins a vicious circle. Intrusive thoughts can be any subject, but usually one that is personal to you. it could be about abuse, sexual, violence, blasphemy and many more. In everyday, run-of-the-mill-people these thoughts are normal, they just affect some people more than others.

Distraction techniques didn’t work on me, rubber bands, or trying to change the negative thought with positive ones. Why? Because by doing these things you’re telling your mind that you shouldn’t be thinking these things, there’s something wrong with your mind or character. The truth is there isn’t. most of the population have intrusive, negative thoughts. It’s just a thought. A bad one but just a thought.

You can’t control your thoughts, you Can’t!, let them pass. Accept them, let them in, and proceed with your life.

What I did, I recognised this, put it in to practice. Used my imagination to create some good. Think of all that awesome imagination that people with ill mental health have. I used it, tapped into it as source for material. Tapped into the pain. By realising it’s just a thought it takes away the fear of the thought, the fear of expressing yourself. Thus the fear of many other things like socialising and talking to people. The fear LIFTS.

With the fear gone the imagination can run wild and be used for positive. The intrusive thoughts still come, but let them, and then leave, quick as a flash, because they don’t mean anything any more.

Without the fear of your thoughts everything else can fall into place. In my experience family, relationships, friends, confidence and socialising became easier and normal. Use this crazy, brilliant imagination to good use. All these scary programs and films come from someone’s imagination. Use it, tap into the dark and step out again unscathed.

Create something masterful or subtle. The time will come when you will brave enough to show other people. The fear of being judged would have gone, you won’t care what people think. It will give people a better understanding of you, and you of yourself.

Me my outlet was poetry, what’s your passion? Unlock it use that imagination, see what you come up with…

If you suffer with Intrusive thoughts read book below, it will change your life. It did mine. I got so much out of it I wrote to the author. She told me to spread the word, so here we are…

cohttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536175898&sr=8-1&keywords=book+overcoming+intrusive+thoughts

 

Clean Slate

Humanity lifted high and proud
History gone, lived and learned
Mind has shifted, peace now allowed
Eyes opened, soul upside turned

Forgive makeshift will, mind was tainted
Parallel universe looped by a chain
The past picture drawn never painted
Etching smeared, washed with tears of rain

Annoyance and anger, burdening hate
Lived far cry of true person
Second childhood thoughts came late
Always sinking, a percentage certain

Whirlwind of emotion and feelings
Raw, slick, next day flood of regret
Quantity of crowds let down and reeling,
In stone the actions made but not set

Alcohol a fool’s gold amplifier
Clean body, clean slate, sound thinking
Long wait to have trust from a liar,
Fit actions and words with careful linking

With distance, social grace comes with ease,
It’s a chemical curse you can’t rescind
Helps to be forgiven though, the mind frees,
As with life? the answers in the wind