Angels

Spiralling out of control towards armless hands of bones. Flexing finger tips grab to bore at my flesh.

A sunken fever brings false saviours. Hope built and collapsed in flashes of imagery, used to pollute the faith.

Out of nowhere I am caught. Is this reality or another method of torture? Part of the punishment of this realm. No this dream’s real, I am touched by substance wiping my brow, mowing away levels of uncertainty.

I am higher now, feeling cooler above the clouds. A burnt smell furrows my nostrils. Panic sets in as I scour my surroundings. It’s not me but my protector whose caught by the flames. Wings are singed, though the descent upwards doesn’t waver.

The climax wakes me cold.                      As my mind blinks to work through reality, a figure in front of me bows, and evaporates from existence. There was no expression, but this essence produced no fear. Now i know blind faith is real, as Angels have no face, just a presence of hope.

Child of an Alcoholic

Sleeping on half a sofa

Trying to ignore the stink

Shutting out the noise

Of her throwing up in the sink,

That was last night

I came to help my mum

I’m scared now that she’ll die

she’s only sixty one,

A victim of a craving

A drunk slave all these years

And when she shows remorse

There’s vodka in her tears,

I fear it’s nearly the end

All alone, she will be found

And when she’s laid to rest

Alcohol shall pollute the ground.

Living Hell

The first draft of reflective imagery that invades my mind.

Sucked into an abyss of astronomical proportions, swirling downward feeling the heat on my feet. Relief would be to perish and never look back. But this would be too easy, they’d rather I suffocate in possession of the intrusive thoughts piercing my mind, leaving transparent holes of uncertainty and frozen whirlwinds harrowing at my reality and convictions.

 

Point the forks upwards, forcing the inside temptation to scream and surrender under the guilty burden, invisible shadows climbing on my back. The weight shrugs as a reminder not to proceed with the idea of liberation and freedom. It’s part of the torture, the false hope we feed on for survival is desired of course, but only left for balance, for sanity to stay before Hell is reached. Turning downward facing obscene flames which spit obscenities, hurting the soul and spouting the stench of foulness like a spike billowing the winds of heart strings.

Prying eyes look on as a devils intent. Look is a stab, a stab cutting the Flesh and swallowing entrails of red and gold. Flashes of yellow signals the explosion of the soul collapsing inward, shades of grey elope and revel in the mix of light. In my head a giant, but not necessary a tyrant, though the horns and hanging flesh give away past intentions, and deviance outgoings. Will his look spill towards me, igniting the hunger in the eyes. Or maybe I’ll be spared, increasing fear and anxiety of the soul. Part of the torment. Being flippant with lives. Being a false remorse, leering at me, the prey, the gift.

Spinning discs pass my neck with a flys width. Razors designated to maime and cause surrender. My face blanches, filling the bottle before it’s spilt…

In the wind

Interpretation becomes a feeling,

The Emotions melts the barriers of translation,

Translates to an emotional healing.

Time moves slower

When you’re not near,

Though this is always

There’s hope you’ll appear

A letter, photo or a silent whisper

Reaches out to bring me nearer

Words that touch the soul from the inside,

I feel when you read me, I can’t hide

Emotions felt from written words Transferring to me, thoughts of beauty, love and hurt

Holding hands through the mind,

An invisible rapture

bringing our beings to travel,

and be forever entwined

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Hold my Hand (listen up)

Born cold, naked, alone and reeling,

External voices give love and feeling,

Assigned guardians protecting the soul from danger,

Only listeners now are the professional strangers,

Comes a time when there’s no understanding,

Racing thoughts free falling, never landing,

A loneliness leading to a fatal event,

Humans need to evolve, to see and prevent,

Exaggerated smiling a mask of pretend,

Pre-planning inside how and when it will end,

False empathy feels the rebound of shock,

Tears fall from deaf persecutors who mocked,

Surrounded by intelligence and warm blood,

Who have time only, for their own emotional flood,

Helplessness binds tight, held with no strap,

Doors of life closing on this too frequent trap,

An unanswerable question the finger of blame,

Just decided somewhere, time to extinguish the flame,

Silence crying out for any intervention,

Signs abundant that displayed the intention,

Too blind to see? Too many to mention,

History won’t reverse for any redemption,

With only benign friends left on the shelf,

No-one to listen, can only turn to yourself,

Which can only lead to a toxic affair,

Ending fatally with a still deathly stare,

From a corse cold slab, made of stone,

Here lies the final image, of feeling alone.

Suicide

Trying to create awareness.

An honest account of my near suicide thoughts and experiences, along with dealing with intrusive thoughts of suicide, for a majority of my life.

Touching briefly on witnessing suicide first hand and the emotions that follow. A poem on suicide to finish. Permission has been sought and granted by any third parties mentioned.

 

https://www.thecalmzone.net/   – The website for C.A.L.M, The campaign against living miserably. They deal with people who are feeling suicidal and families of suicides. A really good charity for anyone looking for answers on this topic.

Depression

It’s not a joke that worried look
And yes there’s such a thing as the blues
Smirking and sneering darkens my colour
This shade is not something I chose

I just need an ear to listen
It hurts when people speak over me
I prefer silence to any advice
Any hint of angst I’ll turn and flee

It’s a feeling not something you see
An invisible monster using sorrow as food
I don’t envy happy or joyous people
Just appreciate when I’m not in the mood

It’s probably really hard to understand
Even harder to try and explain
While you see no wounds on me
My soul is in complete and full pain

Just because I have this and not you
Doesn’t mean it’s not there or real
I’d give anything if just for five minutes
People tried to understand how I feel

Though you feel awkward when I am near
Hard to speak too with no response or sound
I also feel awkward and I’m afraid
That one day your stop coming around

Depression is a word where eyes roll
With sympathy it’s crossed off the list
People treat it the same as how I feel
Which is wishing I just didn’t exist.