Wings

Wings

No I don’t want to go
Can’t you see it in my eyes?
Too late, the fear has grabbed me backwards,
Rocking my senses,
Encroaching in my mind.
I feel the endless pit in my stomach,
Taste the blood in my mouth,
Physically true and real happenings,
Results of the symptoms of fear.
The only illusion is the dark before me,
And the voices whispering false truths,
Confirming I should be afraid.
To freeze would mean an endless limbo
Of excruciating pain,
Fighting no option, as I would just be punching shadows.
Flight seems to warmly pierce my thoughts.
But where?
I stand alone in body and mind, facing travesty all around,
Frozen in an hellish silence with all hope lost.
Then without warning my shoulders are seized.
Not by claws or talons, more like enlarged fingers attached to strong muscle,
Like an exaggerated humans foot,
Only softer and warm to touch.
A Firm grip lifts me from the cold slab from which I’m perched.
I don’t see the face of my saviour
Only the sound of a force flapping against gravity.
A white feather escapes its host and floats down before me,
Signalling peace and freedom.
I know now I’m being carried to safety,
By my guardian who saw it worthwhile to intervene.

As a passenger soaring upwards towards the light,
I look down to the abyss from which I came.
It still whispers and reaches at its prey,
Seething as it’s fodder takes flight,
Escaping their clutches of seduction.
Something I can only describe as demon makes one last attempt to pull me down to the underbelly of life,
Where confusion and guilt is rife.
It fails, my winged guardian drives up full force,
Sensing the threat of danger from below,
Knowing a desperate monster has no boundaries or honour, to a soul they’ve lost and failed to pollute.
I almost allow myself a smile as I fly away…
And then I awake.
Lied in bed lethargic and mentally exhausted,
Pondering whether this vision was a dream or reality.
I decide not to answer,
Questions of doubt lead to darkness, and I’ve only just escaped.
For now I will sleep, listening to my heartbeat,
And counting my breaths.
As my eyes shut in peace,
The vision of a feather is the last thing I see,
Gently floating in and out of consciousness.

Living Hell

The first draft of reflective imagery that invades my mind.

Sucked into an abyss of astronomical proportions, swirling downward feeling the heat on my feet. Relief would be to perish and never look back. But this would be too easy, they’d rather I suffocate in possession of the intrusive thoughts piercing my mind, leaving transparent holes of uncertainty and frozen whirlwinds harrowing at my reality and convictions.

 

Point the forks upwards, forcing the inside temptation to scream and surrender under the guilty burden, invisible shadows climbing on my back. The weight shrugs as a reminder not to proceed with the idea of liberation and freedom. It’s part of the torture, the false hope we feed on for survival is desired of course, but only left for balance, for sanity to stay before Hell is reached. Turning downward facing obscene flames which spit obscenities, hurting the soul and spouting the stench of foulness like a spike billowing the winds of heart strings.

Prying eyes look on as a devils intent. Look is a stab, a stab cutting the Flesh and swallowing entrails of red and gold. Flashes of yellow signals the explosion of the soul collapsing inward, shades of grey elope and revel in the mix of light. In my head a giant, but not necessary a tyrant, though the horns and hanging flesh give away past intentions, and deviance outgoings. Will his look spill towards me, igniting the hunger in the eyes. Or maybe I’ll be spared, increasing fear and anxiety of the soul. Part of the torment. Being flippant with lives. Being a false remorse, leering at me, the prey, the gift.

Spinning discs pass my neck with a flys width. Razors designated to maime and cause surrender. My face blanches, filling the bottle before it’s spilt…

Change the ending

The mind is adept at its own pretence
When a foreseeable ending claws at its sense
Rapid spate of change is hard to allow
Crystal clear thoughts, deviate from the brow
An uncontrolled destined moment in time
Perspectives of honesty bring up the divine
Amnesiac spaces previous and after
Brings the transition, not nearer nor faster

Change sparks defence to raise fully clad
Denial, like a sane man humouring the mad
A rapid such ending wretches the soul
Pulls what we possess to never let go
Our sleepless gut instinct, repulses the last
Repelling an echo of struggles near past
For even the efficient an ending feels strange
A limbo state not desiring to change

An unconscious, unknown steadily beckons
Lifetime of intake, although its just seconds
Confusion is ripe though doesn’t persist
Without endings your presence wouldn’t exist
On ponder a moment which presents a choice
An alternate view to retain a lost voice
Reflect to proceed, an perceptive mind wins
Determine an ending, is where a new first begins.

Change the Ending

Is our future already written? Is that why some of us suffer, because we see glimpses of what’s to come. While others are blind to it. Living happy but blind to what lays ahead.

No of course not. Just another theory my messy mind has come up with to justify my avoiding, and testing myself in anxious situations. Giving up instead of increasing the effort.

Whatever is true, whatever the ending, make the beginning and middle honest, happy and true.

Change The Ending

The mind is adept at its own pretence
When a foreseeable ending claws at its sense
Rapid spate of change is hard to allow
Crystal clear thoughts, deviate from the brow
An uncontrolled destined moment in time
Perspectives of honesty bring up the divine
Amnesiac spaces previous and after
Brings the transition, not nearer nor faster

Change sparks defence to raise fully clad
Denial, like a sane man humouring the mad
A rapid such ending wretches the soul
Pulls what we possess to never let go
Our sleepless gut instinct, repulses the last
Repelling an echo of struggles near past
For even the efficient an ending feels strange
A limbo state not desiring to change

An unconscious unknown steadily beckons
Lifetime of intake, although its just seconds
Confusion is ripe though doesn’t persist
Without endings your presence wouldn’t exist
On ponder a moment which presents a choice
An alternate view to retain a lost voice
Reflect to proceed, an perceptive mind wins
Determine an ending is where a new first begins.

Found in the corner

A Human shape of dark gold,

picture of a fallen angel,

Though out of tears of humanity

comes beauty,

A Stage where the devil danced

sits a heart full of romance,

Skin cold to the touch,

narrow eyes say so much,

Demons plead to vanity

betraying oneself through insanity,

rages of a daggers thrust,

again, never be able to trust

Left at the bottom starved of humanity,

begging loud for sanity,

Mouth drying for life of hunger

physically harming to creep from slumber,

A soul of sugar succumbed to salt,

guilt embedded, self always at fault

Be the soul that Holds the hand

to Lift the person from the ground,

Acknowledge those Deep Blue eyes of fright,

buried inside hides a light

Bring me back to life

Bring me back to life

I wish I could control the horror
produced to provoke,
Trespassing behind the eyes
for the perfect time
to set chaos to the mind,
It could be beautiful,
but it chooses storm over paradise,
pale skin over veins of ice,
supporting an upside down version of freedom,
Life threaded through a knot,
a bind that can only be loosened
by floating hands,
Who wisely massage and weave,
releasing a view of the present,
of untainted truth,
the soul can finally…believe

…without love

Unrequited

Baring all not to recieve
makes giving the hardest choice,
Speaking truth
an insanity voice,
Telling someone you love them
with uncertainty can kill a soul,
The bravest emotion to act on,
Rejection leaving nowhere to go

A look of horrified realisation
can snap a spine,
Send the world tumbling forward,
freezing time,
The line of balance
between joy and pain,
is a thin barrier
Of obsessive and sane

Silence breaks a thousand hearts,
but speaks truth to the innocent,
right answer that feels wrong,
emotionally no relent,
Mentally hurt and wounded,
Courage builds until the mind can’t contain,
the feelings of willing to sacrifice
heart and soul again

Old scars bring doubt, though hope present,
Suppressed feelings, yet the heart hears the call,
The voice will shake, with this the hardest act,
To speak truth of love unrequited, once more