Survivors Guilt

Being alive
Means living, mourning the dead
Burdening the guilt
Of an innocent passing
Should have been me instead.
Please, take this life
That’s been self condemned
A mind half crazy
Not on the mend.
Any contact between the once alive
And all that was said
Reacts in my mind
Affecting my heart
Catching up to my head.
Leave the untainted souls
I wish to be taken
Took early by the gods of life
But they’ve been mistaken.
Up until their untimely deaths
I’ve just been holding on
I’m happy to let go
To relinquish this breathing con.
I cower at funerals, saying goodbye
Head down diverted
From the deceased families eyes.
As my heart still beats
It feels like a timeless curse
Take me, my life is expendable
I don’t live it as it’s worth.

Open Book

My history is no mystery. It’s shines in the background, as do I.

My life is an open book, if you ask I shall tell you the truth of my afflictions.

OCD, agoraphobia, depression, all haunted my soul for so long. Making me feel guilt and pain for no reason. Polluting my thoughts with never-ending negative whirlwinds.

Sometimes it was hard to think of what to believe. The truth inside me, or the inner voice spouting falsehoods and creating a dark landscape for me to follow.

I learned to diminish these happenings, put aside the demon to the sides of me.

Only then could I breathe clean air, think clear thoughts and live a truth, not a lie.

My character has, and always will remain intact. My soul has been tainted by ill mental health, but my fight and vision lies true.

Rhythm of the World

Bring forth the sensations
of living, being alive,
Breathe the energy
art, music, love…,
whatever touches your being
embrace, for there’s
no chance to control
the piece of artistic magic
brought forward
as a gift
to touch the soul,

Me, I’m seduced, lost
to the emotional hand from where
intense words are written,
They swallow me whole
draw me in,
urging my heart
to skip a beat,
And my senses
to heightened
and listen,

Swallowed

Encased tightly like a kindred shawl
Operatic music keys the deathly parade
Darkness falls as depression is unforgiven,
Out of sleep, madness has ferociously risen

Minds lavish with stops and barriers
Each technique infiltrates the game
Confront the beast to endure the wrath,
The dark showman encores to no laugh

Focus faded from white to blue
Sharp intakes as breath breaks free
Eyes swell enticed to a burning flame,
Non-existent fiend is the common claim

Social effort made with no appreciation
Cloaked and hooded, a brave face worn
Battling blind is to live by the sword,
Struggle back as help cries ignored

Body shifts earthwards to a living recession
A empty conscience to combat the depression
Cut off the head to revive the throne,
Before the dread absorbs all to the bone

None believed the belief held by the host,
Bleak haunted calls from the holy ghost
Redundant friends mourn the shadowy bed,
Truth now evident as tears soak the dead.