Short term elation hangs
Where addiction masks the madness
Painting a wealth of contentment
On a frustrated canvas of sadness
Pressure to spill fresh blood
Break the skin of self harm
Release the anxieties of coping
Take away the gamblers charm
The scabs of healed past
Become embers of the guilty
Punishing through instant gratification
Though quick healing leaves self pity
Hurting own form the true biggest gamble
As materials are soon won and lost
Scarring own human shell a sacred act
Giving relief but at what cost
Compulsions fight the middle ground
A hunger swell, holds no control
To ruin life through obsession
Leaves too great a debt to repay the soul.
How it ends growing up with a dysfunctional parent, you both end up feeling shipwrecked…
Means living, mourning the dead
Burdening the guilt
Of an innocent passing
Should have been me instead.
Please, take this life
That’s been self condemned
A mind half crazy
Not on the mend.
Any contact between the once alive
And all that was said
Reacts in my mind
Affecting my heart
Catching up to my head.
Leave the untainted souls
I wish to be taken
Took early by the gods of life
But they’ve been mistaken.
Up until their untimely deaths
I’ve just been holding on
I’m happy to let go
To relinquish this breathing con.
I cower at funerals, saying goodbye
Head down diverted
From the deceased families eyes.
As my heart still beats
It feels like a timeless curse
Take me, my life is expendable
I don’t live it as it’s worth.
My history is no mystery. It’s shines in the background, as do I.
My life is an open book, if you ask I shall tell you the truth of my afflictions.
OCD, agoraphobia, depression, all haunted my soul for so long. Making me feel guilt and pain for no reason. Polluting my thoughts with never-ending negative whirlwinds.
Sometimes it was hard to think of what to believe. The truth inside me, or the inner voice spouting falsehoods and creating a dark landscape for me to follow.
I learned to diminish these happenings, put aside the demon to the sides of me.
Only then could I breathe clean air, think clear thoughts and live a truth, not a lie.
My character has, and always will remain intact. My soul has been tainted by ill mental health, but my fight and vision lies true.
Even in the background you can shine
Give it time…
Be the late flower
Who arrives on the hour
Bring forth the sensations
of living, being alive,
Breathe the energy
art, music, love…,
whatever touches your being
embrace, for there’s
no chance to control
the piece of artistic magic
as a gift
to touch the soul,
Me, I’m seduced, lost
to the emotional hand from where
intense words are written,
They swallow me whole
draw me in,
urging my heart
to skip a beat,
And my senses