Just smile…

Smile

A Smile is a beautiful gift
Designed to give life a lift,
A Smile can bring love to the dying
And comfort to the crying,
It can bring warmth to the cold
And youth to the old,
It can be quiet or loud
Make you stand out from the crowd,
An amazing natural energy of light
Causing the lowest soul to take flight

A Smile can bring calm to the mad
And happiness to the sad,
Make your greatest enemy dance
Giving hope and friendship a chance,
A grin that spreads from ear to ear
Comes from a place real and sincere,
It turns nightmares to dreams
Develops into laughter with screams,
Brings joy to all around
A feeling of music, with no sound

A Smile is unique and gives a person class
A received priviledge, not having to ask,
Gives hope to the deepest darkest dread
A gift shared with nothing said,
Turns the heat of the moment calm
A feeling of alone, turning to warm,
Share your Smile, let it go
It will light up the darkest soul,
Unleash the expression, don’t keep it
Reveal to all, your beautiful secret,
It’s an wonder and a gift given so true
Smile and the people will smile with you 😊

…without love

Unrequited

Baring all not to recieve
makes giving the hardest choice,
Speaking truth
an insanity voice,
Telling someone you love them
with uncertainty can kill a soul,
The bravest emotion to act on,
Rejection leaving nowhere to go

A look of horrified realisation
can snap a spine,
Send the world tumbling forward,
freezing time,
The line of balance
between joy and pain,
is a thin barrier
Of obsessive and sane

Silence breaks a thousand hearts,
but speaks truth to the innocent,
right answer that feels wrong,
emotionally no relent,
Mentally hurt and wounded,
Courage builds until the mind can’t contain,
the feelings of willing to sacrifice
heart and soul again

Old scars bring doubt, though hope present,
Suppressed feelings, yet the heart hears the call,
The voice will shake, with this the hardest act,
To speak truth of love unrequited, once more

Naked…

When did it become essential
above all else,
to reach our potential,
Is it this failure
that draws us into depression,
Our own harsh judgement,
with no soft sides
or compassion,

We look in the mirror
scowling and staring
at our own image
forever comparing
to our sisters and brothers,
We are a force to ourselves
with a soft heart
to others

We feel pain not beauty
it’s what holds us back,
Self made chains
tied to perfection
restraining the truth,
Well no more!
I will light the fire
that burns insecurities
transferred from youth,

Hold the flame high
shout naked for all to see,
then laugh and cry
knowing this is it…
I can be free…

Imagination

Think about it thoughts are just our imagination.

I’ve suffered with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, depression, OCD, and loneliness. The reoccurring theme, negative thoughts. Thoughts predicting the future, or worrying about something you did in the past, or fretting over things in the present. This affected me physically, mentally and emotionally.

Thoughts, and the feelings that go with them, which is really the problem, are not real. They feel real, but it’s an illusion. Your body is reacting to the fearful thought. But with intrusive thoughts the fret is not real, it feels real and that’s the downfall of many lives. The mind tries too hard to keep us safe when most of the time there’s really no danger.

Its imagination. The mind making stories up, just not very nice ones. The mind runs wild, thinking up different ways to keep you safe, stopping you coming to, or causing harm. It’s not real. Thoughts are not magic, we can’t see or predict the future. When you realise the actual thoughts don’t mean anything, they’re just imagination,  you’re half way there to getting out of the nightmare.

For me when I was thinking these things I thought it meant something like i’m a bad person. It doesn’t. A thought is just a thought, only the scary and frightening ones stick because of their meaning. A thought about hurting my child stuck because of the consequences. A thought about cheese doesn’t stick because it doesn’t matter. But its the same thing, just a thought. If you try and get rid of, or control a thought, it stays, and so begins a vicious circle. Intrusive thoughts can be any subject, but usually one that is personal to you. it could be about abuse, sexual, violence, blasphemy and many more. In everyday, run-of-the-mill-people these thoughts are normal, they just affect some people more than others.

Distraction techniques didn’t work on me, rubber bands, or trying to change the negative thought with positive ones. Why? Because by doing these things you’re telling your mind that you shouldn’t be thinking these things, there’s something wrong with your mind or character. The truth is there isn’t. most of the population have intrusive, negative thoughts. It’s just a thought. A bad one but just a thought.

You can’t control your thoughts, you Can’t!, let them pass. Accept them, let them in, and proceed with your life.

What I did, I recognised this, put it in to practice. Used my imagination to create some good. Think of all that awesome imagination that people with ill mental health have. I used it, tapped into it as source for material. Tapped into the pain. By realising it’s just a thought it takes away the fear of the thought, the fear of expressing yourself. Thus the fear of many other things like socialising and talking to people. The fear LIFTS.

With the fear gone the imagination can run wild and be used for positive. The intrusive thoughts still come, but let them, and then leave, quick as a flash, because they don’t mean anything any more.

Without the fear of your thoughts everything else can fall into place. In my experience family, relationships, friends, confidence and socialising became easier and normal. Use this crazy, brilliant imagination to good use. All these scary programs and films come from someone’s imagination. Use it, tap into the dark and step out again unscathed.

Create something masterful or subtle. The time will come when you will brave enough to show other people. The fear of being judged would have gone, you won’t care what people think. It will give people a better understanding of you, and you of yourself.

Me my outlet was poetry, what’s your passion? Unlock it use that imagination, see what you come up with…

If you suffer with Intrusive thoughts read book below, it will change your life. It did mine. I got so much out of it I wrote to the author. She told me to spread the word, so here we are…

cohttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536175898&sr=8-1&keywords=book+overcoming+intrusive+thoughts

 

Clean Slate

Humanity lifted high and proud
History gone, lived and learned
Mind has shifted, peace now allowed
Eyes opened, soul upside turned

Forgive makeshift will, mind was tainted
Parallel universe looped by a chain
The past picture drawn never painted
Etching smeared, washed with tears of rain

Annoyance and anger, burdening hate
Lived far cry of true person
Second childhood thoughts came late
Always sinking, a percentage certain

Whirlwind of emotion and feelings
Raw, slick, next day flood of regret
Quantity of crowds let down and reeling,
In stone the actions made but not set

Alcohol a fool’s gold amplifier
Clean body, clean slate, sound thinking
Long wait to have trust from a liar,
Fit actions and words with careful linking

With distance, social grace comes with ease,
It’s a chemical curse you can’t rescind
Helps to be forgiven though, the mind frees,
As with life? the answers in the wind

 

 

Brick Wall

If I had to write this with compulsions
It would take a hour for each word
An empty shell with a story to tell
Thank heavens I can now be heard

Blurry lyrics or a collection of genius
My perception they all make sense
A messy mind had a complex calm
Writing this feels so intense

My lowest point, I’d be counting letters
Fragile with anger in my darkest hour
Turning pages a bittersweet torment
Anxiety risen, a story turned sour

Six months I’ve received this calm gift
Continued to put paper to pen
A thought stuck in the back of my mind,
Will my creative desire be grounded again?

Youth was hell, middle age is now
Although the middle feels like pretend,
Because what if this just six months relief,
Keep questioning how’s it going to end?

This thought really struck hard
A pool of water drowning my flair
The best way to be guided forward,
Is to make it real, stick it out there

A clear mind feels to good to be pure
Intrusive thoughts, a form of creative theft
If I couldn’t produce my written work,
My impression is, I’d have nothing left

I’m pleased my lyrics are not lost in translation
It’s where my silent mind has its speech
Forever fighting this fermenting stigma
I hope its helped someone, the people it has reached…

Short Game

Of course laws of attraction
Starts as you as a distraction
Not sure you’re a soul mate
Different days love and hate
Yes interested in names
No, not interested in games
Deep parts a need to know
Beautiful person, beautiful soul

Chemistry’s the right mix
One that works, one that clicks
Feel warmth inside each day
When bodies close, when far away
Not needy, not obsessive
There’s a time for being possessive
Space and time creates mystery
All have some kind of history

A calming force to help with sleep
Heavy heart when eyes weep
Honest and true if you could
break ups, only one understood
Speaks the truth until the end
elements of a life long friend.

Transition

The grey makes a becoming change,
Where it was dark, there’s now light,
The future wasn’t written just blanked out,
From dense and heavy to very bright

The journey from the dark came with struggles,
Obsessions came with their own withdrawal,
Finally breaking free liberated the pressures,
Now able to catch yourself if you fall

Inspiring the mind to keep the flame burning,
Blackness still beckons with a whimpering hand,
Journey from there to here has many obstacles,
You can now judge you! and understand

It’s about being honest and true,
Get out and be proud of how you feel,
Keep your head high and be much more,
Part of being yourself is keeping it real

Thoughts and feelings are now words and verse,
Part of showing the world what you can do,
The personal expectations have been lifted,
There’s no limit to where life can take you