When you go to sleep
I shall weep
In private, tears will fall
Requiring help, I won’t call
Cries drown my pillow
From days of sorrow
Always a restless hour
With thoughts turning sour
Awake in a personal hell
Mind is my prison cell
Cut me open, make it swift
Bleed me empty, as a gift
Blood shall be my last weep
Peace now, forever sleep.
Holding my hand onto the chest
grabbing at the beat,
closing my eyes
to place a palm face to the ground,
I send to you a wave of comfort
vibrating to your soul,
Untying the mind
of loneliness and hunger,
I shall remain silent,
where i’m knelt,
Embracing the knowledge from the earth
that when your heart skips,
to a sound of warmth and compassion
my gift has been felt.
Do the stars trouble the moon
Or the clouds the sky?
Sincerely not, they live in perfect tranquillity.
So why does the mind trouble the soul
Bring blackness to light
And doubt in to harmony and reality.
We think therefore we explore
Pushing boundaries where entanglement cannot be undone,
Where sanity is breached
To a place where torment only lies.
At this time we wander the future and past
Falling backwards or forwards
Never balancing on the present
Believing the mystical over the substantial.
The fight is not Demon or Angel,
Thoughts are the rulers of pained outcome
The totem of the body
The all seeing eye,
Parading imagination as a false God
Seeking mortality with a corporeal shell.
Don’t believe what is null and vacant
The mind torments the soul
But invisibility evaporates.
The true saviour is the heart that beats
It repels all blackness
Pulls in love and locks in place a safe retreat
To visit in times of cold desolation.
Follow the veins of warmth and grasp with open arms,
Shut out the empty voices
And through the rapture never let go.
Skin delicate as a flower
Protruding double edge scars
Protecting a soft
Broken beauty with a will of wanting
Sat rabid inside a vulnerable shell
Some cut my tissue
Scrape away at my flesh
Seeking the weakness within
Ignorance unearths deep foundations
Critical echoes erects towering walls
Creating an impenetrable field of solitude
Only passable through invitation,
Trespassers alarm the mind to traitors
If chosen and elected to intrude
Tread carefully with your voice
Step lightly with decision
Once warmth is shared please I beg,
Don’t break trust, heart, or soul
As the well of hope will dry
And I will collapse inward upon myself.
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.
On a bad day, as an anxious person I look around sussing out my surroundings. On occasion a person looks back and senses my social and general pain. In that moment I inside beg they don’t ask me ‘if I’m ok’ as I know I will break down if spoken too. I pray they let me be, just nod or squeeze my hand.
It’s confusing and complex how one moment I want someone to listen and understand my pain, and the next I want to be invisible and ignored. At these times my thoughts are against me.
If you notice how I feel
Please don’t go ahead and ask
As my tears will start to surface
And wash away my mask
You stare in to my eyes
To notice I’m not blinking
Please keep my aching secret
That inside my heart is sinking
I will just get through this moment
Squeeze my hand, but keep my lie
My strength will suppress my tears
Only alone will I break and cry
Stuck in a lifetime that won’t accept my vision
With mental illness it feels like I’m closer to reality
Others only see what’s in front of their face
Im frustrated their perspective is boundaried,
Blinkered, tunnel vision, seeing only in black and white
They are happy with that
Anxious minds can’t sit still, need to be stretched and challenged,
Imagination set free, be wild instead of socially tamed
Look at the world instead of four walls
Boredom is culpable
World passing by with each new day
Stay with the same or search for like minded individuals
Surrounded by the scared, my thoughts are all alone
Suffocated by negative when aspire to greatness
We are rare, few, forbidden from thinking our truth
Accused of madness, not normal
No wonder Anger issues with the mental frustration
People in front of the que are blind to my perception,
Living with no existence, leaving no trace
Open eyes that no longer see
Repressed folk suck the life out of the inspired
The media has suppressed the creative
Labelled for being a stranger in my own time
Frowned upon, scolded
Masses creating the word ‘stigma’ to separate themselves
Don’t listen to the ignorant
Nothing grows in the comfort zone
Be selfish, use your emotions given,
The next generation will love you for it,
Don’t ever get shown the door,
The anxious feeling is not a feeling of being lost,
It’s the longing of wanting more…
A Shadow of a person I could’ve been. Hiding from the world out of guilt and shame. But I’m always seen. My personal space is my enemy and my friend. Living life or on pretend. How will it end?
Fighting the good fight takes all the emotions and more, until there’s nothing left. When will I feel free? To see past the dark and flee…