Every decision feels like a life threatening choice. The mind choosing an option, changing it’s mind, then changing it back again.
Every day decisions, like where to go out, or what to eat. The doubts of an anxious mind put different scenarios in your head, making it a tormenting life.
Always questioning whether you’ve made the right choice. It’s a hard way to live. A lonely place of guilt and living on nerves.
That’s how anxiety and depression fights happiness. Putting doubt and fear in safe situations.
It’s the most disabling crush on ones sanity…
Crave to be remembered, etched in history
In my words, I’ll always leave some mystery
Speaking though my head feels dismembered
Lost or found is how I’ll be remembered
The blind sees many depressed rhymes
Enlightened, will read between the lines
View behind the eyes to see deep
Hidden meaning’s that made me weep
Words just scratch against the surface
Casual thoughts produced as a circus
Poetry Masks a majority of emotional acts
In the truer words, I’m never holding back
Take own life while personality in song?
Leave this realm incase the mind functions wrong
Intrusive forces weighing the mind to sink
Desperately searching for some missing link
Invisible in body and the voice is weak
Waiting patiently for the peace I seek
Invade my story see what you find
Interpret the words I’ll one day leave behind.
I stand alone, only clouded by my own judgement,
The gift of life brings a lift to strife,
Takes a special kind of person
To turn their back on blood
A frozen shell that never breaks
Holding back the emotional flood
Would it spark a bit of love
If we all started to cry?
I feel that chapters been read
The words turning to a lie
You break a branch then climb
Damaging the family tree
Moving to a new orchard
Happy to be free
Never caring to look back
Even though you planted the seed
I guess I’ll never know
If your heart slowly bleeds.
When family doesn’t want to understand your mental health. When they’ve moved on, remarried and in their eyes starting with a clean slate.
I’ve found you can’t warm the coldest of hearts or change the most empty of minds.
The fog lifts only to the night
The mist clears from in front of my eyes
though I cannot see.
For I am trapped, trapped in a cocoon of fragility
vulnerable for all to see,
blind to rational choices.
The windpipe of breath closes in
causing abject terror to rise above a level beyond fear.
Strangulation of silence surrounding me
accelerating the heights of animated terror
blurring the once serene view.
The immediate future laid out in front of me,
safe but grim,
Immortal, though cold in mind and soul.
Brainwashed in waves of furious emotions,
rippling in, clear as truth,
a foul lifeless premonition
with empty thoughts never raising suspicion.
Living on the edge of nervous foundations
hypnotic to a ritualistic routine.
A follower of a secret-society cult
living in my mind
closing the shutters on life
creeping in secret backdoors to the soul
whispering fairy tales not of this world.
I choose not to listen to my demons
the minions that celebrate death and filth,
along the path towards damnation.
I shall confront the architect who paved the road to my own inferno,
the Emperor that feeds on sorrow.
Though he bares my face,
shares my image,
he is dark, and I am light
I am day, he is night.
The only way to kill this cursed reflection
would bring death upon myself.
That is what the martyr craves,
for me to release myself of life
give myself forever, and be immortalised to the dark.
I will not succumb to this outcome,
though I know as long as my heart beats
the war will never end.
But when it does,
it shall be fate’s will that takes my last breath,
as I rather live with this heavy burden
than lighten my heart prematurely.
My interpretation of the downward spiral towards a mental hell. An out of control feeling, which at one point a choice has to be made; to start climbing back up or let go of the ledge to damnation.