Only human

Human in nature

Attractive in stature

Built on intrigue

And mental fatigue

Looking for connections

Or past resurrections

People choose illusive

Bordering reclusive

A meet between two

With one briefly knew

A mutual respect

For the opposite sex

Want to know your being

And what your feeling

Deep from inside

No need to hide

A deep intense session

With no wrong impression

No guilt to justify

As honesty intesifies

A delicious montage

Tales of self sabotage

All truths no lies

Spill our minds eye

Not spiritual just there

A split second stare

A coming of perspective

Genuinely being accepted.

Brick Wall

If I had to write this with compulsions
It would take a hour for each word
An empty shell with a story to tell
Thank heavens I can now be heard

Blurry lyrics or a collection of genius
My perception they all make sense
A messy mind had a complex calm
Writing this feels so intense

My lowest point, I’d be counting letters
Fragile with anger in my darkest hour
Turning pages a bittersweet torment
Anxiety risen, a story turned sour

Six months I’ve received this calm gift
Continued to put paper to pen
A thought stuck in the back of my mind,
Will my creative desire be grounded again?

Youth was hell, middle age is now
Although the middle feels like pretend,
Because what if this just six months relief,
Keep questioning how’s it going to end?

This thought really struck hard
A pool of water drowning my flair
The best way to be guided forward,
Is to make it real, stick it out there

A clear mind feels to good to be pure
Intrusive thoughts, a form of creative theft
If I couldn’t produce my written work,
My impression is, I’d have nothing left

I’m pleased my lyrics are not lost in translation
It’s where my silent mind has its speech
Forever fighting this fermenting stigma
I hope its helped someone, the people it has reached…

Pirates of the Soul

Swoops down seeking buried treasure
Love and angst, pirates of the soul
A timeless mutiny at the minds leisure
A trespassers paradise, a castaway troll

Violins play the music of the lost
Orchestrated wholesome, plays in a soft key
Capture traitors to the ailing, at any cost
Tsunami erupts as gallows blows free

Distracted and evaporated, starboard decks blown
Free will evacuated, biding its time
Life boat hatched, invasion well known
Waiting for the skirmish, waiting for the sign

Sails raised, waves carry ship to shore
Flags raised, revenge sets to board
Pirates pillage until truth reduced to crawl
Rescues flairs pulled and raised it soared

A shipwreck shattered but not broken
Released at last, steered from sharp reef
Small victory won but never spoken
Set sail again to ride the waves of grief.

Depression

It’s not a joke that worried look
And yes there’s such a thing as the blues
Smirking and sneering darkens my colour
This shade is not something I chose

I just need an ear to listen
It hurts when people speak over me
I prefer silence to any advice
Any hint of angst I’ll turn and flee

It’s a feeling not something you see
An invisible monster using sorrow as food
I don’t envy happy or joyous people
Just appreciate when I’m not in the mood

It’s probably really hard to understand
Even harder to try and explain
While you see no wounds on me
My soul is in complete and full pain

Just because I have this and not you
Doesn’t mean it’s not there or real
I’d give anything if just for five minutes
People tried to understand how I feel

Though you feel awkward when I am near
Hard to speak too with no response or sound
I also feel awkward and I’m afraid
That one day your stop coming around

Depression is a word where eyes roll
With sympathy it’s crossed off the list
People treat it the same as how I feel
Which is wishing I just didn’t exist.

Crazy Daze

Is there a reason I can’t stand still,
That’s when the anxiety hits real hard
I know it’s because I’m mentally ill,
For that you never receive a ‘Get well card’

My mind is always fast progressing,
My body frustrates when caught frozen,
While motionless my head is obsessing,
A brain headache that’s not been chosen

See the patterns on my wrist,
I don’t remember how they got there,
Suicide was very low on the list,
Jumps to the top with a wrongly took glare

A rushing brain causes dark stories
A calm mind sees what the eyes deny
Blurred and tainted all my past glories,
What you think creates the cursed lie

Torn between the two states,
Calm jumps to rock and hard place
Thinking flies off while the conscience waits,
So much confusion in so little space

Sometimes it’s hard to believe what you feel,
By now I can read the signs of an attack,
And the reason my mind can’t sit still,
Is the fear of it falling coarsely back.

One Calm Day

Thoughts and feelings are not fact
Don’t really need the signal to act
Need to learn not to react
To keep mind and body, safely intact

Thinking what is, not what if
Bringing reality back to solid ground
The beliefs are all built on myth
Always on repeat spinning round and round

Just one calm day, without the whispers and tears
Spoiling what could be, the best time in years
It doesn’t help, it’s not your friend, and it’s definitely not kind
The panic, the worry and the fear it creates, Is, after all, just thoughts of an OCD mind.

Dark Rainbow

As used on ‘Poetry Space’ Summer showcase, poetry magazine.

Dark Rainbow

Born to see the world in colour
Emotion is a life liberator
Easy to cave to pained feelings
Thoughts shadowed by mind dictator

Faceless like a doll, existing
Wishing away life in static years
Talk hits void and rebounds
Escape from dark with lonely tears

Stranded in a cold space
Staying still, no reaction, a dream
Stuck in a neutral mind
Heart organ, plays a scream

Become a diagram of former self
Outlined and soulless
Anxious of sane normality
Glimpses of emotion leaves a mess

Ignoring same social attempts
Loneliness breeds isolation
Hands used as ear survivor’s

Constant noise brings irritation
External self on top of the world
Internal, settled, bottom of ocean
Constantly justify life’s position

In logical terms without emotion
One true feeling felt is fear
Taste, love, touch, is it real?
To see life in black and white
Not the colours needed to heal.

 

The moments where you stand still and realise everything is grey to you. The suns out shining, blue sky, flowers abundance but the mind is still shut down to the happy elements.
To move out of that hole and feeling there has to be some colour in your life, even if it’s glimpses, just to feel the heat of happiness and still feel the need and hope to be able to heal and come back.
To see things as others do, bright and lively and to be able to join in with that shade of life.

Chris