Child of an Alcoholic

Sleeping on half a sofa

Trying to ignore the stink

Shutting out the noise

Of her throwing up in the sink,

That was last night

I came to help my mum

I’m scared now that she’ll die

she’s only sixty one,

A victim of a craving

A drunk slave all these years

And when she shows remorse

There’s vodka in her tears,

I fear it’s nearly the end

All alone, she will be found

And when she’s laid to rest

Alcohol shall pollute the ground.

Transition

The grey makes a becoming change,
Where it was dark, there’s now light,
The future wasn’t written just blanked out,
From dense and heavy to very bright

The journey from the dark came with struggles,
Obsessions came with their own withdrawal,
Finally breaking free liberated the pressures,
Now able to catch yourself if you fall

Inspiring the mind to keep the flame burning,
Blackness still beckons with a whimpering hand,
Journey from there to here has many obstacles,
You can now judge you! and understand

It’s about being honest and true,
Get out and be proud of how you feel,
Keep your head high and be much more,
Part of being yourself is keeping it real

Thoughts and feelings are now words and verse,
Part of showing the world what you can do,
The personal expectations have been lifted,
There’s no limit to where life can take you

Senses

 

Forged as a totem, tall proud divine,
Father yields no im-pures with emotions entwined

Deity exclusively chooses, speaks to providence,
Turned a demigod but at what expense

No existing or balance on this scornful plane
Sacrifice to supernatural, shred the skin and name

Deal with Devil, the maker and Lord
Knighted with immorality, kneel to the sword

Soul poisoned, mockery of life with counterfeit peace,
Repelled by Angels, wings ordered to release

Belong neither promised land or hell fire,
Traitor for both, a premature death, a mongrel sire

In limbo, a phantom apparition where shadows are bleak,
A ghost, a spirit, with no spirit to speak

A false illusion, a cursed timeless half breed,
Weak in mental minds, drifters plant the seed

Peace in death, a misconception and myth,
Spoke by martyrs, calm passing is the gift

Voice of the sinners torment the alive,
Reaching not to join but to reality survive

Only the unique hears the cries of the anguish,
Brings own agony and a looped death wish

Shared minds where illusions are bound,
Labels of anxieties, an illness with no sound

Irony of the damned offering aid and relief,
Is the exaggeration of mad nocturnal belief

Only those closer to reality hear the tone,
Judged by ignorant, who fear the not alone

Souls lost in oblivion, scorned by brothers,
Scream for redemption and freedom of others

Adrift lives, rejected by the wrath of God’s throng,
When finally accepted by few, will play their last song

To pretend or distract or spurn the lonely presence,
Will increase the will for some external essence

Living and dead, crave their destiny and fate,
Death already sealed, the manner held as bait

Brain illness, an open eye in the sea of the blind,
Sees beyond truth, detects the conscience between the mind.

Clean Slate

Clean Slate
Humanity lifted high and proud,
History gone, lived and learned,
Mind has shifted, peace now allowed,
Eyes opened, soul upside turned

Forgive makeshift will, mind was tainted,
Parallel universe looped by a chain,
The past picture drawn never painted,
Etching smeared, washed with tears of rain

Annoyance and anger, burdening hate,
Lived far cry of true person,
Second childhood thoughts came late,
Always sinking, a percentage certain

Whirlwind of emotion and feelings,
Raw, slick, next day flood of regret,
Quantity of crowds let down and reeling,
In stone the actions made but not set

Alcohol a fool’s gold amplifier,
Clean body, clean slate, sound thinking,
Long wait to have trust from a liar,
Fit actions and words with careful linking

With distance, social grace comes with ease,
It’s a chemical curse you can’t rescind,
Helps to be forgiven though, the mind frees,
As with life? the answers in the wind

 

I ran a half marathon today and for me about half way round I always notice a time when my thoughts go dark and deep and start to question if I’m going to make or feel ill. How many people am I going to let down? if I have to stop and walk it means I’m useless. All these intrusive thoughts go through my head. It’s the same with a lot of situations in my life, sooner or later there is going to be a intrusive negative thought.

I have learnt to accept this and when the thought comes along just to allow it, accept it and proceed with what ever situation I’m in. The only person judging me is myself. I finished the run quite comfortably which I knew I would because I trained for it, and felt quite pleased with myself.
Now after I get an intrusive thought and move on from it, I see it as a clean slate to move forward from, Hence the title of this poem. Nothing is a hundred percent certain in life and looking for perfection will drive you mad, just accept it and move forward….

Chris