Skywards

A Shadow of a person I could’ve been.
Hiding from the world out of guilt and shame But I’m always seen.
My personal space is my enemy and my friend. Living life on pretend. How will it end?
Fighting the good fight takes all the emotions and more,
Until there’s nothing left.
When will I feel free?
To run past the dark and flee…
Pain in mind is worse than pain in body,
Panic resembles an ache
Worry as debilitating as a break.
I will strike this demon down no choices
Using a shaft of light to drown out the voices.
Born again half real, half pure
Rise to live and breathe the present
once more.

Connections

Human in nature
Attractive in stature
Built on intrigue
And mental fatigue

Looking for connections
Or past resurrections
People choose illusive
Bordering reclusive

A meet between two
With one briefly knew
A mutual respect
For the opposite sex

Want to know the being
And what your feeling
Deep from inside
No need to hide

A deep intense session
With no wrong impression
No guilt to justify
As honesty intensifies

A delicious montage
Tales of self sabotage
All truths no lies
Spill our minds eye

Not spiritual just there
A split second stare
A coming of perspective
Genuinely being accepted

Love in crazy

This poem was written on a beach where I was in a place of confusion. Just like being at the beach, it has beautiful scenery but my mind was in a state of mixed emotions and suffering with OCD.

Being in love for the first time but doubting if the feeling is real. Because the only true emotion I was feeling was anxiety and pain, I always doubted a lighter, happier feeling because it felt like a trick or another obsession as the way with my life. I didn’t trust or believe myself.

When I came round and realised maybe I should act on my emotions and when you begin a relationship it’s hard to keep it going, always looking over the shoulder waiting for the next doubt or attack or if they have figured out that I’m living on the edge of panic.
In the end the pattern that followed me was that I ended most relationships early before they ended with me, as I assumed they would.

So this poem is about having an anxious, mixed up mind and then the feeling of love thrown in and dealing with that.
Here it is Love in Crazy…

Love in Crazy

The heart rendered like a king
Tall, stout and impressive
Evaporating all like a sponge
Past, present, resoundingly obsessive

With each new wave the strings get taunt
Feeling loose, but always holds
A break can be repaired
Or just a myth, that’s been re-told

Eye connections are real
The soul gets mystified
One Love, one other heart to feel
No more can be justified

A timeless lone night lays deep
Coupling and souling a must
Or forever be left in eternal limbo
Heart and mind turning to dust

Running parallel, so very close
A touch sickly, like a vertigo ride
Hearing and speech become an echo
In and out, rhythm of the tide

Is this truth, or is it false?
Love and anguish, my mind they share
Working through, but by default
In both worlds, I have to bare.