When people say my name
I’m caught off guard
In my head I’m not approachable
Not expecting anyone to engage.
Question why they’ve open discussion
What’s their motive
Is it because I’m the last resort
Or the more interesting people have left
I’m anxious but glad at the same time
Praying I dont say anything stupid,
On egg shells so they will return,
Desperate to make good impression
The circles, emotions and thoughts that rise to the surface during conversation is immeasurable.
To the normal person its every day
To me it hits the seismic scale Of anxiety
My mind takes me through the talk
Summarising if I spoke out of turn
Or brought Shame upon myself.
Will they return for act two, or is once is enough.
Maybe one day I will listen to what they say and not heighten my feelings to my own responses,
Before the questions have been asked.
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Waiting but it’s already here
The dark space to which I crawl
Pushing to escape this prison,
The boundaries on which I draw
Smiling but I’m already dead
Internally an empty house of glass
Every step, a step too far
Painful to survive, to forever last
Thinking but the thought has stuck
An enemy of autonomy and will
I’m safe in my compulsive home
Never to breathe, never too kill
History but not the present
Happy with my compulsive lie
Only one certainty calms my soul
I will not live, I will not die.
The heart rendered like a king
Tall, stout and impressive
Evaporating all like a sponge
Past, present, resoundingly obsessive
With each new wave the strings get taunt
Feeling loose, but always holds
A break can be repaired
Or just a myth, that,s been re-told
Eye connections are real
The soul gets mystified
One Love, one other heart to feel
No more can be justified
A timeless lone night lays deep
Coupling and souling a must
Or forever be left in eternal limbo
Heart and mind turning to dust
Running parallel, so very close
A touch sickly, like a vertigo ride
Hearing and speech become an echo
In and out, rythmn of the tide
Is this truth, or is it false?
Love and anguish, my mind they share
Working through, but by default
In both worlds, I have to bare.
Featuring poetry about mental health – included are OCD, Anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, social isolation, suicide, addiction and many other mental health issues I’ve had to combat.
I’m hoping people can relate and then maybe be encouraged to share their own stories in art form and be creative with their mental health. Follow the link to find out more.
Encryption of the Mind https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/152891435X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_Nt4IDb5W365Z1
Try closeness as a comfort
Warmth as a blanket to the cold.
Pleasure weathers heartache
Hardening the skin
Allowing empathy to grow kind.
Accept samples of love
As dark and light realities.
When the wondering retreats
We can halt half way to freedom
Retrace footprints to find balance.
Once I questioned
Now I answer freely,
And with more clarity
Than the present.
Echoes in the mind
Flow rampant, encircling
Affecting most prominent responses
It is unmoving
The primary speaks truth
Imitations less reliant
Consistent in its perseverance
A skimming stone
Simmering to a sunken weight
Dead in the water
Sits of an innocence
Vibrating ripples of continuance