Shadow

When people say my name
I’m caught off guard
In my head I’m not approachable
Not expecting anyone to engage.

Question why they’ve open discussion
What’s their motive
Is it because I’m the last resort
Or the more interesting people have left

I’m anxious but glad at the same time
Praying I dont say anything stupid,
On egg shells so they will return,
Desperate to make good impression
The circles, emotions and thoughts that rise to the surface during conversation is immeasurable.

To the normal person its every day
To me it hits the seismic scale Of anxiety
My mind takes me through the talk
Summarising if I spoke out of turn
Or brought Shame upon myself.
Will they return for act two, or is once is enough.

Maybe one day I will listen to what they say and not heighten my feelings to my own responses,
Before the questions have been asked.

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Illusion of safety

Waiting but it’s already here
The dark space to which I crawl
Pushing to escape this prison,
The boundaries on which I draw

Smiling but I’m already dead
Internally an empty house of glass
Every step, a step too far
Painful to survive, to forever last

Thinking but the thought has stuck
An enemy of autonomy and will
I’m safe in my compulsive home
Never to breathe, never too kill

History but not the present
Happy with my compulsive lie
Only one certainty calms my soul
I will not live, I will not die.

Love in Crazy

The heart rendered like a king
Tall, stout and impressive
Evaporating all like a sponge
Past, present, resoundingly obsessive

With each new wave the strings get taunt
Feeling loose, but always holds
A break can be repaired
Or just a myth, that,s been re-told

Eye connections are real
The soul gets mystified
One Love, one other heart to feel
No more can be justified

A timeless lone night lays deep
Coupling and souling a must
Or forever be left in eternal limbo
Heart and mind turning to dust

Running parallel, so very close
A touch sickly, like a vertigo ride
Hearing and speech become an echo
In and out, rythmn of the tide

Is this truth, or is it false?
Love and anguish, my mind they share
Working through, but by default
In both worlds, I have to bare.

My new book

Featuring poetry about mental health – included are OCD, Anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, social isolation, suicide, addiction and many other mental health issues I’ve had to combat.

I’m hoping people can relate and then maybe be encouraged to share their own stories in art form and be creative with their mental health. Follow the link to find out more.

Encryption of the Mind https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/152891435X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_Nt4IDb5W365Z1

Walking a tightrope

Try closeness as a comfort

Warmth as a blanket to the cold.

Pleasure weathers heartache

Hardening the skin

Allowing empathy to grow kind.

Follow extremes

Accept samples of love

As dark and light realities.

When the wondering retreats

We can halt half way to freedom

Retrace footprints to find balance.

Once I questioned

Now I answer freely,

Untainted,

And with more clarity

Than the present.

First Thought-

Echoes in the mind

Flow rampant, encircling

Affecting most prominent responses

Albeit listened

It is unmoving

Though unnerving

The primary speaks truth

Imitations less reliant

Consistent in its perseverance

A skimming stone

Simmering to a sunken weight

Dead in the water

Sits of an innocence

Vibrating ripples of continuance