Self Eulogy

The afflicted tune has ended, fire burns to zero,
To the silent master there is no treason,
Thank you for weeping, the elated song plays on,
Knowing I’m alongside you, no question or reason

Heart demands no excuse for warmth,
Memories inside exist with little trace,
Imagination, love, you take it with you,
You have pictures, I’ll never forget a face

In life I’ve struggled with my place
Where I land is real and beyond my control,
My concept was never this side of beautiful,
Choice of rest place, time to sleep not grow

Misunderstood, all judgements long forgiven,
The mind was mine, the body a short lease,
Blessed to have lived in this short loving time,
Knowing there is such a place of finding peace

A desert island, a single paradise of oasis,
Silence moves slower, ending is stretched,
My feelings are enclosed, forever in stasis,
Pictures in my mind of a life permanently etched.

Anxiety

Shadow Self

Looking forward to the weekend
Drinking and socializing with mates
Half excited, half wrenching
In case the conversation turns to dates,
Of more nights or future holidays
Things on the spot I agree to
Pit of my stomach is yearning
I will avoid each one, and I do!
Talk of glory days I’ve missed
In the crowd but still alone
Detached, looking down from above
Lies and guilt, I could never atone,

But they’re a good bunch of friends
Initially I’m always included
In my head yes, no, yes, no
The reality, I feel excluded,
Listening out for the question
Waiting to be asked
Just for it to be over
For them it’s just a task,
An unspoken air of formality
Asking and I say yes
The elephant in the room is reality
Knowing I will let them down by text,

Not real great times, always on edge
But that was as good as it got,
They still think I’m some kind of ledge
But I know I’m not,
What I’d felt back then, wasn’t really me
I kinda knew, but today I know
And if I could live those days again,
I’d just go along with the normal flow,
Past is gone now, no time for regrets
Looking back I feel kind of blessed,
Because they’re a good bunch of friends
And my issues? No-one could have guessed.

Let Me In

Skin delicate as a flower
Healing superficially
Protruding double edge scars

Protecting a soft
Broken beauty with a will of wanting
Sat rabid inside a vulnerable shell

Some cut my tissue
Scrape away at my flesh
Seeking the weakness within

Ignorance unearths deep foundations
Critical echoes erects towering walls
Creating an impenetrable field of solitude

Only passable through invitation
Even then,
Trespassers alarm the mind to traitors

If chosen and elected to intrude
Tread carefully with your voice
Step lightly with decision

Once warmth is shared, please I beg
Don’t break trust, heart, or soul
For the shield of hope will cease

Convincing the body of spirit
To internally combust
Collapsing inward upon itself