Belief

We need to smooth the ride
For People that shouldn’t have died,
A spiritual involvement perhaps?
Before a person’s mind will collapse,
Every day, it happens every day
Vibrant lifes are taken away,
Just one, one other to understand
So life not extinguished by own hand.

Back to Life

What if I died
And this is all a dream,
The accident was fatal
And my mind is teasing the news To my subconscious
Of the reality of my death,
An amputation to signal a loss,
Losing two fingers
telling the mind I’m slowly dying,
Disappearing away
Bit by bit
Piece by piece,

What if I died
In that instant of terror,
Snapping my head in to limbo,
Bringing an illusion of survival
An alternate version of events
Where I still live, for awhile at least,

Now I have detected, and felt
This true reality,
Am I ready?
Ready for the darkness,
Or whatever awaits me,
If anything,
Ready to leave this eighteen month fairytale
Written in my mind,
Is it better to fake a life in ignorance,
Live in a dream state,
Interact as normal
Or just realise my fate?

It’s out of my hands
I must sleep, but will I ever wake again?
And if I awaken the next morning
Will the feeling still hang over me,
That whatever path I follow,
I’m living on borrowed time.

Underneath the sky

Do you know the fear
Of stepping outside,
Shaking with exhaustion,
To have Convulsions
With the thought
Of impending doom
From venturing in to the world.

Choosing instead to stay
In the zone of comfort,
Ride out the anxiety,
Hide from any knocking doors,
Cover my ears, praying they will leave,
Eyes tightly shut, only opening
To Time watch the clock,
Waiting,
Until the deadline passes
That I was expected.

At this time relief sets in
A weight is lifted,
Able to exhale,
Even though I’ve failed,
Let people down
Through not turning up,
Ruining reputation,
Using up all the forgiveness allowed,
Resulting in bad looks and stares from afar.

Even though because of this,
I’m relieved,
I didn’t have to go,
Put myself through hell
By advancing through the front door,
I can live with this for tonight,
Enjoy the feeling of safety,
Celebrate my avoidance,
I’ve got away with it once again…
Until the next time.

Two Halves

This poem is featured in the Poetry book – Encryption of the Mind.
Which is now available to buy or download from Amazon and other good bookstores or

https://www.austinmacauley.com/book/encryption-mind
❤👍

Two halves

You may think these words are heavy
It’s hard not to be with mental illness
Most would of stopped reading by now
Some stayed just to be curious

Maybe you stayed because you can relate,
To how it felt and how it affected you
The Love, fear, happiness and hate
We’re constantly have, and are going through

Those first two verses were written when really low,
God, reading it brings me down
But only to a level of understanding
All part of turning your life around

Well, you got this far, and not by chance
Seen off the mysterious voices
Freedom is a wonderful thing
Being able to make life choices

A lot of life has been wasted
Solving an impossible puzzle
Time to look past, look forward
Take off that emotional muzzle

I don’t want to end this like I’m preaching,
But theres one thing I’ve identified,
If you do relate, then you’re a kind, loyal,
Beautiful, passionate, creative, ambitious and caring person…
… Don’t hide!

I Swear

I have been Cursed
For causing dark treason,
Bringing public the fight
That reins against my demons,

As I focus my words, I become,
The truth bringer,
So action is taken
And mystical fate looses my fingers.

Twice a digit has been sacrificed
Amputated to order,
By the secret forces
Who watch over the borders,

A thin veil of protection
A line of hidden meaning,
A dark threat to my spirit,
Soon I will be bleeding

My Penship is now a martyr
Twice finger limbs have been cut
But I will never stop the write
Though my hand is truly fucked.

For no man

When’s there’s no immediate danger
Worry people worry about time,
Haunted by the past and future
By a spectre of the present,
In the now, time doesn’t exist
Until you ask its whereabouts
And trace its movements,
Once spotted it’s hidden
Amongst the angst and worry,
And then just like that it’s gone,

Is half a second
Worth the fret of not living,
To die waiting
For the next half second
To be fruitful,
Until finally it mounts up
To a lifetime of looking back,
Regrets,
And just death to look forward to.

A Touch of Remorse

It was dark
And I was alone,
Think and repent they said,
Who do they think they are
Demanding,
A trait devoid of understanding.
Have they ever been shut away
Like this before
with no Windows?
I thought not.
I haven’t until now,
I’ve known people who have,
And how.
Anyway I found nothing,
Inside myself, nothing.
Only a thought
And a question.
Why does persecution
Fall on the wrong people?
The thought was about my mum.
See I’m no harm to anyone.
Tell the truth or live
It doesn’t matter
I’m lost you see,
Shut the door
Throw away the key.

White light

I have no ideas
Only thoughts that pass through me in seconds,
Do I choose to embrace the emotions this brings,
Or ignore the creativity
And the imagination buried deep inside
That rises to my consciousness
In that split second,
The risk is in the exploration
Of this time period,
To delve in the dark,
Step foot in my minds blindspot
And view the games it plays
When I’m not looking.
Without this I am dull
A blank canvas of regret,
So I explore
And take the chance everytime
That reality will pull me back.