For no man

When’s there’s no immediate danger
Worry people worry about time,
Haunted by the past and future
By a spectre of the present,
In the now, time doesn’t exist
Until you ask its whereabouts
And trace its movements,
Once spotted it’s hidden
Amongst the angst and worry,
And then just like that it’s gone,

Is half a second
Worth the fret of not living,
To die waiting
For the next half second
To be fruitful,
Until finally it mounts up
To a lifetime of looking back,
Regrets,
And just death to look forward to.

A Touch of Remorse

It was dark
And I was alone,
Think and repent they said,
Who do they think they are
Demanding,
A trait devoid of understanding.
Have they ever been shut away
Like this before
with no Windows?
I thought not.
I haven’t until now,
I’ve known people who have,
And how.
Anyway I found nothing,
Inside myself, nothing.
Only a thought
And a question.
Why does persecution
Fall on the wrong people?
The thought was about my mum.
See I’m no harm to anyone.
Tell the truth or live
It doesn’t matter
I’m lost you see,
Shut the door
Throw away the key.

White light

I have no ideas
Only thoughts that pass through me in seconds,
Do I choose to embrace the emotions this brings,
Or ignore the creativity
And the imagination buried deep inside
That rises to my consciousness
In that split second,
The risk is in the exploration
Of this time period,
To delve in the dark,
Step foot in my minds blindspot
And view the games it plays
When I’m not looking.
Without this I am dull
A blank canvas of regret,
So I explore
And take the chance everytime
That reality will pull me back.

Parachutes

I feel sad and I cry
I cry because I lie
I lie to calm the day
Smile the hours away
But Deep inside I hide.
Real grief not lame belief
Brings relief,
A chance to be real
With how I feel
That comes with sadness
An emotional mess
Which comes naturally to me,
I can’t fake happy
I try but not really
I pretend to smile
But it goes on awhile
And becomes lazy
A Face of a crazy,
So I stay the side of sad
I know it sounds mad
But it’s all I know
To help me grow
So at least i can blend
And try and make a friend.

Flight

Flight

Escape not from this room
You knew this
You knew impending doom
Not apparent bliss.

No chance to escape
Fight or flee
Your autonomy raped
It’s not different, you see

I will squeeze for life
Control the blood
Distract the mind
Search for love

Pain rather than avoidance
Hope better than death
Control is in the thought
Fear is in the breath

Fallen

When sat alone
With the weight of blood
Panicked in solitude
Restricted from external wounds
Do we cry,
Or lie down upon the sympathy?
Voicing the same tale
To heighten ears
Imagining on empathic fears
Which soon dies
From curious eyes.
The scars of eternity sparks interest
To unknown generations
Seeking if the whispers are truth.
They are, if not worse,
Bones were cracked
Shock crushed the breath,
The story revealed forever wrapped in light
Never disclosing
How close we were to death.

Wasted

Time lately concentrated
Memorized seconds calculating
To World domination,
Mass hallucination in forms of cogs
All seeing eyes
Ticking to a smile,
Hourglass hands set individually
Scrutinizing households
Watching
Waiting,
To a specific date
When no clock is late
End of time.

Amputated

A finger cut loose
Separated from the Dominant hand
Leaving others broken and fractured,
A poorly sight of Deformed appendages left limp and tragic,
Is this fate?
Trying to manipulate my train of thinking
A threat carried out
To stop the written hand
Producing my verses of alternatives
Converting black into grey,
Am I Getting to close
To warrant a mystical warning,
A pointed finger cursing mine
Forcing me to throw down tools
Over The edge of damnation,
What next my eyes, My mind,
Should I stop banging my words
Into an order of verse
That wakes the sleeping baby of chaos.

No these thoughts exist Because we exist,
I will take my Sacrifice
And keep bringing forth
The fantasy of my world
Blending thinly into theirs,
By believing is creating,
Giving thoughts a substance
To make nightmares whole,
The warning I will heed
But it proves that I would bleed
To thrive in the unknown,
Unlock doors to interpretations
And bring some kind of order
To the underlying turmoil.

Am I now or have I ever been…

Am I now or have I ever been?

Externally and physically
Inviting to the opposite sex,
Internally and emotionally
Distant and frigid to love,
Forever lost,
Doubting my place, my goodness
And my worth to another.

Pushing away sweetness and warmth,
Ignore a face of beauty,
An opportunity to share life
By treating closeness as a threat,
Consciously self harming the connection,
Tearing apart romance and trust,
Feeling guilty and broken inside,
But long term, I felt, I must.

No love left
I was bereft,
So many good people lost
To a mind of no confidence,
A charm with no substance,
And a heart that self destructs
When touched

Am I now,
Or have I ever been
Worthy of a free conscious,
To be finially empty of self pity and sabotage,
Why did I always condemn my soul
To isolation?

I will not know the answer
For I no more question my place,
By choice I add truthfully, not by avoidance,
I now live in some kind of elation
When a precious connection presents itself
As a friend.

Those who befriended me in my youth,
And even at present
I salute you,
Conversation never comes easy,
Though fleeing does,
For us to both stand our grounds
And endure for friendship
Is a lifeline to some,
And a miracle of development,
In character and personality,
For a sufferer of worry and displacement
Like me.

Dear Papa

Tread upon my memory
Twist the past to suit
So now I dwell in silence
And cry for help in mute.

You cannot talk for dread
Of upsetting your life of now
A coward never thinks
Just nods his head and bows

Similar in physicality
Only way that we’re the same
When people ask about me
You stutter at my name.

Deny any blood relations
Making young generations cry
When they knock the door in decades
Will you look them in the eye.